Paying it forward

A political science professor, a shower placard and a story saved my life

I've told the story about how I discovered my breast cancer by giving myself a breast self-exam one day as a distraction many times, and I'm sure to share it many more. It is one more story in this vast world about breast cancer.

Sometimes I mention that I got into the habit of doing BSEs from my favorite college professor. She was a breast cancer survivor and she shared her stories about her journey with breast cancer with me and my classmates often. At this small women's college, where classes in my major rarely had more than 10 students... there was an intimacy among us that I had never experienced in a classroom setting before. That intimacy was, for me, like a rain shower on parched earth. It brought so much of who I am today to life.

My MVC memories

Dr. Maureen Casamayou was my political science professor at Mount Vernon College. She was the first woman I had ever spoken to directly about breast cancer in a personal way. I was a young woman in my early 20's when she brought this topic to my life. I had absolutely no concerns whatsoever about breast cancer. I thought it was something that happened to "old" people.

Of course, in your 20's... everybody in the world seems old to you. Dr. Casamayou was older than me, very accomplished, very smart and full of life though. She wasn't "old"... just older. Didn't seem like the women I associated with being sick.

She personified elegance and intellect and independence. I loved her for that. I also loved her because she was a professor who did not give up on her students. She did not let us slide by... or slip away. She saw potential and opportunity in each of us. And she spoke that life into us in each class, with each assignment.

Mount Vernon College was a magical place for me. Dr. Casamayou was integral in making it so. It would take too long to try to explain who I was before I arrived at Mount Vernon, but I can tell you that the young woman who left that campus was confident, capable and ready to take on the world. A lot of that is due to a feisty professor who challenged me to be great, to write well, to be unafraid and unashamed to know or not know something.

The freedom to be smart without judgment or name-calling was a tremendous blessing. The freedom to not be the smartest one in the room was too.

She taught me to own my story unapologetically

It deeply saddened me to learn that my pink ribbon sister passed away earlier this month. On my mental list of things to do, I had hoped to talk to her one more time and share with her how much she impacted my life and how often I think about the day she talked with a bunch of young female college students and told us how important checking our breasts was. How important that it was that we start checking them early so that we knew what our breasts felt like.

She told us to get comfortable with our bodies and she gave us all shower placards that demonstrated the steps to conducting a BSE.

I still have my shower placard today. It hangs in my shower at all times. I think of her whenever I notice it. The irony of life is that the radiology center that created the shower placard she gave me years ago, was the same center I used when I had my first mammogram after finding my lump and the same center where I had my first sonogram where I saw the tumors in my breast for the first time.

Sometimes life will bring you full circle.  [Read: And then there was Freddie... ]

There is power in the story

In discussing her passing with my boyfriend, I was weeping at the loss and mentally chastising myself for not pushing harder to find her after I was diagnosed. I felt like I let her down. I really wanted her to know that she saved my life. Her story saved my life.

That wonderful boyfriend of mine told me that he was proud of me because I had taken the gift she gave me and had chosen to pay it forward. Her story saved my life because she was unafraid to share it. She gave it to me, to all of us, and I am so grateful. And now I realize that I too have been paying it forward because there is a gift of life in the story.

Paying it forward

I have no way of knowing whether or not anyone who reads this blog will ever be diagnosed with breast cancer or have to cope with a loved one with breast cancer. I believe that clearly understanding that breast cancer is real and that it strikes women of all ages, races, and socio-economic backgrounds moves the mindset that breast cancer happens to "them"... to breast cancer could happen to me.

Thank you Dr. Casamayou. The gift of your story and your concern for my health, long before I ever realized it would be important, have blessed me tremendously. Because of you, I pay it forward and give my story to others.

Thank you. I hope that I make you proud.

See: Obituary of Dr. Maureen A. Casamayou

I want to grow my hair out... but first, my edges!

Confession: I have NO IDEA what to do with my hair. None.

Before chemotherapy, I wore my hair very short for a long time. With a few exceptions, I kept it close cut for about 15 years. I liked it because it suited my face and it was easy (and cheap) to take care of.

I don't like beauty salons. It's a long story.

 

Suffice it to say... I have no patience for sitting at a salon for hours and I hated spending what felt like the equivalent of a child support payment just for my hair. It was too much for me. So I stopped.

Desperately in need of some style

However, I'm now 5 years out from my initial regrowth after chemo and I'm feeling like I'm in a style rut - from my head to my toes. I have grown out my hair, cut it all the way back to my tried and true a few times. Don't get me wrong, I think I am very pretty in my short cut. But because I've worn it for so long, it feels lame.  My new goal: Growing your hair. Right now, I've got a sporty little afro... but... THOSE EDGES!


I recently wrote about wanting purple hair.  See: I want PURPLE hair! After talking about it with a few friends (and my boyfriend), I'm now on the fence about the purple hair. My guy was all for it, actually. My girlfriends were decidedly not as enthused.

While I thought about ignoring their advice and preparing for purple hair anyway... I received an email and then a phone call. A few days later, I was heading to New York to do the BET breast cancer awareness promotion. See: The surreal moment when you see yourself on tv. The experience was amazing.

Seeing myself in profile however, on the video showed me how bad my thinning hair (and hair line) really was. I really had not noticed it. Yikes.

Did I mention that this commercial length PSA has been showing all over the country all month long? Yep. With my edges looking like that.... deep sigh. 

Biggest moment of my blogging year and I'm staring at myself...critiquing my weight, my double chin and my invisible edges.

Sigh... onward and upward. When you see something is wrong, you've got to fix it, right. Time to start making changes.

This post-chemo hair is CUH-RAZY!

My hair grew back more rapidly than I expected after chemo. But it is very different now. It grows slowly. It is thinner, softer, curlier. It has a few more gray hairs (not many but still enough that I notice). Just sigh.... it is just different.

While I am very thankful that it grew back at all; I have to admit that I just am lost and clueless about what to do with it. I have thought about cutting it again and just loving that again, but my barber passed away a few months ago and I've been hesitant to find a new barber. Keeping it cut low was easy for me, but also allowed me to hide/not pay attention to the problems that my hair and scalp were showing.

The softness of my post-chemo hair makes me believe that perhaps I've been damaging it by not taking better care of it. So, I've been talking to other naturals and watching a lot of youtube videos and learning about some good hair practices that should help.

Since I have two issues to deal with -- growing in my thinning edges and retaining length of my weird curly/kinky hair... I'm mapping out a strategy.

I'll update you with whatever growth happens (or if I finally decide to just cut it off).

My strategy and recipe for hair growth

Based on what I have learned, I need to protect my hair from breakage by wrapping it at night with a silk scarf. Sleeping on cotton pillows is terrible for this soft, fragile hair. I also learned that taking Biotin would be good for my hair and my nails. (Which is an unexpected but necessary help too since my post-chemo nails are really soft and break often)  Daily temple massages with vitamin E oil and using JBCO (Jamaican black castor oil) on my hair regularly. Add a daily multivitamin, drink lots and lots of water... and I should see some positive growth.

My secret weapon is using miconazole cream in my hair cream. Yeah... I'm putting THAT in my hair. I actually tried it a few months ago, and it worked. Even though it is a vaginal anti-fungal cream, it really did help my hair to thicken and grow. *I will admit that when I stopped using it, I experienced a good amount of shedding*

My "operation long healthy hair" recipe:

• 5000 mg of Spring Valley - Biotin 5000 mcg daily
• Regular temple massages with Nature's Bounty Vitamin E Oil and Tropic Isle Living Jamaican Black Castor Oil
• Miconazole Nitrate 2 % Antifungal Cream in my hair cream
• Daily multivitamin One-A-Day Women's Multivitamin
• Lots and lots of water (using my handy VMI Housewares Water Bottle, 72-Ounce)
• Using my Silk Wrap Scarf every night.

I've included a really helpful youtube tutorial I found that I will be using. As well as an informative blog post from a natural hair forum.

See: Blackgirllonghair.com/How I helped my mom regrow her edges





So that's it. That's what we're working with. Operation... get those edges together and grow some hair! is in full effect.

Let me know what tips you have for growing your hair, retaining length... anything. I'm not looking forward to all the work of long(er) hair... but I have been wearing the same hair style pretty much for nearly 20 years. I've got to switch it up.













*Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase an item using those links, the blog will earn a small commission.  

Please consider how important your support of this blog is to the breast cancer survivor who creates it.

Black women needed for a breast tissue bank in Indiana

Breast cancer, black women and research needs

I read an interesting article recently about a breast tissue bank in Indianapolis. The KTB (Komen Tissue Bank) at Indiana University collects normal breast tissue and blood from volunteers for use in their research into breast cancer.

As a survivor who is highly concerned about the high mortality rates for black women, the news of this repository excited me. I had no idea that it existed. Of all groups of women affected by breast cancer, black women are the most likely to die from this disease. That makes research into finding a cure, understanding metastatic breast cancer and awareness activities a high priority (to me).

The tissue bank is in dire need of breast tissue from black women. Without enough samples to utilize, some clinical trials and research projects are unable to be completed or are delayed for years while the bank slowly gathers the necessary tissue.

I can't tell how how sad that made me. My pink ribbon sisters are DYING... and what is needed to help them is for my black sisters in or around IU to give samples to the tissue bank. I don't know the details of what is required in order for someone to make a donation. However, I do know that there is a deadline looming.

From the Indiana Reporter article:

The next mass tissue collection is Nov. 8. and Ridley-Merriweather has a goal of collecting tissue from at least 50 African-American women. Those interested can contact the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Tissue Bank at the IU Simon Cancer Center for further details and preparation.

Time for tough love

I know that there are many of us in the black community who have reservations about trusting the medical community based on history. Incidents like the Tuskegee Experiment and even Henrietta Lacks, serve as reminders that too often in this country, black people were not treated humanely and as though they had no power of choice in whether or not to participate in clinical trials. I won't be insulting and pretend that these practices were not barbaric, inhumane and insulting. They were. There is no excuse for it and I am only grateful that the history has been revealed to show that these atrocities happened.

We have been WRONGED by the American  medical community.  That is a fact of history.

Yet as a survivor of breast cancer, and as a sister who has grieved the deaths of too many black pink ribbon sisters (and grieved the diagnosis of far too many as well)... I beg you to consider making a tissue or blood donation to the tissue bank.

The only way to stop this disease is through research. And the only way research will prevail that affects our relationship with breast cancer is that the research can go forth. The tissue bank NEEDS black women (with and without breast cancer) to step up and make a difference. If you live anywhere near the Komen Tissue Bank, please consider doing this.

For more information:  Komen Tissue Bank IU

Black women greatly needed for Komen breast tissue bank
http://www.indianapolisrecorder.com/health/article_967585d2-293c-11e4-9c82-001a4bcf887a.html



*Disclosure: I have consulted with the Komen Foundation on matters concerning blogging and social media. I am NOT a paid spokesperson for the organization in any way. All opinions about Komen are my own. *

Don't be nasty! Wash your hands.

I recently did a bit of traveling. Not as much as some of you probably do regularly, but for me it was a lot. Traveling induces a lot of anxiety for me. It didn't always. I dread moving around strange cities alone and I really, really dread the fatigue and arm heaviness that usually happens once I'm on my own, pulling and tugging my luggage and my computer case.

I don't lift a lot of heavy items with my lymphedema arm and just moving around so much usually results in a flare up. Its one of those side effects that annoys me constantly but since I realize it really could be so much worse... I just deal.

Thanks to my wonderful life as a blogger and writer... I don't actually go a lot of places. I work wherever my computer and the internet are. Which is usually at home. But the downside of that is that when I do venture forth into the world... I come into contact with ... people outside.

Now, don't get mad... because I don't mean to be rude but... SOME OF Y'ALL ARE NASTY!

The seasons are changing. More germs are around. Take precautions!!

Its early fall. The temperatures are dropping. Leaves are beginning to change colors and drop. And germs are every where around us. Nasty little germy kids... (no... of course I'm not talking about YOUR precious darling kids...)

But some people's children are little magnets for cooties and yuck-stuff and germs.

So I have a PSA (public service announcement) for all the rest of us who don't often come into contact with nasty little germy people...

WASH. YOUR. HANDS! 

That's it.

It's really simple. Just wash your hands. Or use an antibacterial gel. Often.

When you go to the bathroom, wash your hands.
When you're preparing food, wash your hands.
When you sneeze or cough, wash your hands.

Just... wash your hands.

Its cold and flu season again. 

The temperature changes along with the fact that people aren't really ready to let go of summer yet... means that plenty of people are running around dressed inappropriately and catching all types of cooties. Germs just love all these opportunities I think... to make us sick and fill us with their party buddies.

I'm not a germaphobe but I don't like to be sick. So, do us all a big favor... and just wash your hands. And don't touch me!!

Enough of the foolishness. Let me be serious for a moment.

As I write this, we're experiencing an outbreak of Ebola in different places around the world. This disease is deadly if not caught and treated immediately. A man just died here in the US the other day from Ebola and people are panicked everywhere. Well, keep in mind that the flu can be deadly to some of us and colds make us all just miserable. The first line of defense for all of these diseases is utilizing proper hygiene. And that starts with washing your hands.

Cancer patients often have weakened immune systems thanks to the treatments they receive. Small children and the elderly also have weaker immune systems. Yes, you need to get your flu shots, and cover your mouth when you cough and sneeze... but the one thing you should always, always, always, always do... is wash your hands. 

Wash them often and wash them well. Use lots of soap and water... really lather up and wash your hands for more than a few seconds. That little action kills so many germs that get so many of us sick.

Prepare yourself and be kind to others... just wash your hands. Don't believe me... read this articles from the CDC (Center for Disease Control) and the Dana-Farber Medical Facility. Washing your hands is very important. Washing your hands is serious business (even if this blog post was full of silliness).

http://www.cdcfoundation.org/blog-entry/helping-cancer-patients-prevent-infections-in-winter

http://www.dana-farber.org/Health-Library/When-and-how-to-wash-your-hands.aspx

And while you're out and about... check to be sure that your sick kit is stocked up. In case you don't remember my advice about having a fully-stocked "sick kit"... check out this post. Read: Sometimes you need a sick kit

When my boyfriend came to pick me up from the train station, I went to his home instead of my own. We hadn't seen each other in about a week or so and I missed him. But we had to stop at the CVS on the way home because he's such a man and he didn't have a sick kit.

Boo... Guess what might be under the Christmas tree for somebody I love?

A handy dandy SICK KIT! I think every home should have at least one. Well, actually two. A sick kit for colds (that is filled with products like the ones in the picture)... and a general first-aid kit. You just never know when you need one.

Be safe y'all. 
*blowing air kisses because I refuse to touch y'all*

PS. Use Lysol too. It kills staph germs that may be lingering around your house. Trust me. Just get it and spray!

October 13th is Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day

Breast cancer awareness isn't just one month for me

I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer in 2008. Before I was diagnosed, October was for Halloween. Yes, I was familiar with breast cancer awareness month but I didn't focus on it much. Once I was diagnosed however, I felt excited about Pinktober. The first year. I felt like people could SEE me, recognize my struggle and that somebody somewhere would do something. I felt acknowledged. I felt supported. I felt loved.

That was the first year.

Then the second year came around and I was tired.

I was still in active treatment. Still going to the doctor's office like it was my damn job. I was tired of having breast cancer. I wanted my breast back. MY breast... the one God equipped me with from the start. Yeah, the sick one. I wanted it back. I didn't want the sickness back but I wanted that comfortable wholeness back because once it was taken from me... I never quite felt the same again. I still don't.

The third year... I was a little more militant about it.

Nic Nac Paddywack in 2008 after 3 months of chemotherapy

I felt like perhaps I needed to DO something. Needed to get the ball rolling somehow. I was slightly confused by all the companies and people who wanted to contact me regarding my blog. They wanted me to write about their fantastic new products that would raise awareness. All of their glorious pink things. They wanted me to give away things. Or wear things. Or go to events. Or write. A few people wanted to write for my blog. That touched me. Until I saw what some of them wanted to write about.

By the fourth year... I was numb.

By now, women that I new personally were dying. Women who were my friends before breast cancer and women I met along the way... were no longer here. Their deaths hurt deeply. I felt a loss and a strong fear that my breast cancer recurrence would be more likely than the 30% chance my oncologist had given me. And, more insultingly, people I loved were being diagnosed. Somehow, I thought MY diagnosis was enough to protect my circle from this. I was wrong. I wasn't the sacrificial lamb that would protect the flock from this scourge.

Each pink ribbon felt like a grave marker. I had become more aware of the intricate dances going on within the breast cancer community. I felt like an outsider in my own clique most of the time. We're all pink ribbon sisters and brothers and yet... we are looking at the messaging around the pink ribbon in a lot of different ways.

Black women who are diagnosed with breast cancer are more likely to die from the disease than other groups. Breast cancer awareness is critical for the black community. 

Meanwhile, in the broader breast cancer community, there are varying perspectives about the necessity for continued awareness programs. Or what should be covered in those activities. Is there one right way to market the pink ribbon? How many more women that I knew were going to be diagnosed... or worse, were going to die? Leaving behind a lot of heartbroken friends and family members who only had memories and questions. When would it stop?

Fifth year... annoyed and slightly frustrated.

But more happy than previous years about Pinktober. I learned how to cope with the influx of attention from businesses that wanted me to validate their products for my readers. I learned that grieving would always be a part of my life -- grieving for my personal losses and also grieving the ache of losing women to this disease (both personal friends and strangers) -- and it was okay. I accepted that I would always have lymphedema and it didn't kill all of my cuteness. I found love this year and he helped me to see this disease through fresh eyes. I realized that I was becoming jaded because I assumed that all people had the same knowledge that I did. But they don't. Because unless breast cancer was personal to them... it only came once a year really. Like Christmas.

This is my sixth year of Pinktober since my diagnosis.

Nic Nac Paddywack at the Komen Race for the Cure, DC, May 2014

This year I am not pink-fatigued. I am still very cautious about products and marketing to my readers. I have renewed my dedication to raising awareness. And I am aware that for some members of the breast cancer community, this seems highly redundant and too elementary for where we are in the efforts to find a cure.

I finally have the voice to say... Awareness is never going out of style.

Each year more people come into this world who don't know all the history behind the pink ribbon. They only know that the NFL wears a lot of it, pink ribbons represent breast cancer awareness and that women can lose their hair and their breasts. Every year, someone has to be there to teach them; to remind some and to shame others (*smile*) into caring about their future and their health by being proactive about caring for their breasts.

Each community that is affected by breast cancer is not affected the same as another community. We're all vulnerable to getting the disease but the rates of mortality vary. The toll of the disease on our bodies is different. And while more women than ever are living long lives after their diagnosis, learning to navigate the new normal of their lives is brand new, each time.

More awareness needs to focus on those sisters who are living with metastatic breast cancer (my stage IV sisters). Their needs and their sensitivities are different from mine. How do you market "hope" and "you can live a fulfilling life after breast cancer" to women who are scrambling from one treatment protocol to the next looking for relief, looking for an extension of their lifespans, looking for yet another glimmer of promise that the time ahead is a lot longer than they thought it would be?

I am a breast cancer survivor every day of the year.

The pink ribbon does not go out of style for me, ever. Unlike some, it does not fatigue me anymore to see those pink ribbons. And yes, I buy (and accept) pink gifts all year long. One, because pink has always been one of my favorite colors and two because pink reminds me that I am human and frail and I overcame a devil that was trying to take me out. I'm not superwoman... but I'm real close. And each pink ribbon reminds me of those sisters I've lost... whose spirits were pure and who brought joy and sparkle to the world. They are gone but never forgotten. They live on in my heart and in the hearts of their loved ones.

The pink ribbon gives me empathy. I pray for a day that we have a cure (though I don't know what I'll do for a job when that day comes, LOL). I also pray that people understand that as frightening as all of this is... there are nuggets of joy within the process.

Three hundred and sixty five.

The number of days in a year. The minimum number of breast cancer thoughts I have in a year. October is 31 of those 365. Make the most of this time. Learn. Teach. Share. Embrace. Have compassion. And be diligent about your own breast health.

Post by My Fabulous B**bies.

The surreal moment when you see yourself on television

I'm really a smart girl. I am. I don't say that to brag or boast but as an offering against the idea that perhaps, I might be... just a smidge... uh... slow. Missing the obvious can make you ask those questions about yourself.

When I got the call to tape the PSA (public service announcement) for BET (Black Entertainment Television network), I was elated and surprised. The entire situation happened very fast. From the time I agreed to participate to the end of the taping, was less than a week I believe. I said yes, and doors just flew open.

It was amazing. Slightly overwhelming but amazing.

At the end of the taping, I knew that the PSA would air on the cable networks during Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I knew that. I was excited to learn the exact time of the first showing of the commercial. I watched and was overjoyed. There I was, on television... like a star!

I shared my initial thoughts on Facebook (cuz that's what I do) and then I moved forward. I saw the commercial once, I shared the news with my personal friends on facebook and twitter and with the followers of the blog's fan page and felt that I had accomplished my social media work on the issue. It was good. I did a good thing.

And then... I didn't see it again. No biggie. But, family members saw it and friends saw it... and I started receiving texts and messages and tweets of congratulations. Really nice, right? But for some reason, it is not hitting me how many people watch these networks and how likely it was that the commercial would air. Meaning more people would see it.  Many, many more people.

*duh*

So, when I was randomly watching The Real on BET the other day and thoroughly enjoying Tamar Braxton's antics... it caught me by surprise that I heard MY voice on television.

Wait.
What... ? That sounds like me.
*looks up*
HUGE SMILE...
That IS me! They're still showing this... its like a week later.
*slow realization* 
This is going to show ALL MONTH LONG. 

*face palm*

Why didn't I realize that before? I understood it and I got it but I didn't really get it.  So many more people are going to learn about me, and hopefully about this blog and more and more breast cancer awareness for more people!

Ah-may-zing!

Things in social media move fast and since I'm not one of the heavy weights out here (I don't have a million followers on Twitter or on Facebook), I'm accustomed to sharing a thought and then moving on. I don't think about it again because in my mind, only a few people are even slightly paying attention to me.

Except... what I consider a few is sort of a lot. At least a lot more than the average person. With Facebook's new algorithms, that means that something you share just might end up getting bounced around your friend's news feeds more than your average comment.

I posted on Facebook that I finally saw my commercial... and tons of people started commenting and like-ing that status.

What?

Most people sort of ignore me. Or I don't show up in their news feed and I'm okay with that. But this happened (and continues to happen).

Post by Nic Nac Paddywack.

I am blown away by the number of people who have supported this breast cancer awareness promotional video. So while I have your attention... let me remind you why this matters.

• Breast cancer is a terrible disease. 
• In our entire lifetimes, 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. 
• Black women do get breast cancer. 
• Young women do get breast cancer. 
• When caught early enough, breast cancer is treatable.
• Proactive health care does help. 
• Breast self-exams (BSEs) are important. 
• Regular mammograms are important. 
• Being diagnosed with breast cancer does not have to be a death sentence. But you have to act. 
• Knowing your body, being in touch with your intuition, makes a difference. Nobody knows you better than you. 
• Although a lot of women are diagnosed, lumps in your breast do not automatically mean that you have breast cancer. But you won't know for sure until you see your doctor and have your breasts examined by a professional.
• Your family needs you. Your friends need you. The world needs you. So get in touch with yourself, so that you can be sure to be here for all the people who love you. 

If you watch BET or Centric at all, you will probably see me on there sometime this month. If you do see me, drop me a note and let me know. And be sure to examine your breasts and get your mammograms as well. Eat healthy and if you can't be healthy, be healthier! A step forward helps. Everything in moderation. Keep your weight in moderation. Eat healthy food - lots of fruits and vegetables, lean meats, limited alcohol. Regular exercise. Drink lots of water. Yes, all of those things that we hear that we're supposed to do for ourselves anyway - they also play a part in reducing your chance of getting breast cancer.

There is no cure but there can be hope. It starts with you.

Please SHARE this video to your friends and family. Please LIKE the page to stay abreast of what's happening in the breast cancer community. And most of all encourage your loved ones to do as you do and check their breasts. Every month.

Post by My Fabulous B**bies.

Clifton's story: A son shares his thoughts about his mother's breast cancer

A few years ago, I met a young man on twitter whose mother died of breast cancer when he was a teenager. We chatted briefly and I could tell that the impact on his life was tremendous. He wrote a brief commentary for me about what his mother went through because I was curious to know how he felt about the disease.

As much as this disease is personal to me and my journey with it feels very lonely at times... stories like this one remind me just how wide the ripples of breast cancer spread.

*******************************

It all started in the beginning of 2001 and we all know that year was a memorable one because of the terrorist attack on the United States but for me it was memorable because that is the year my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.

My mother,at 5’9 and 200 pounds, was a regular sized African American woman. Moreover, this cancer was a shock to my father who is a surgeon because my mother was not a smoker and she did not drink therefore she didn’t seem like a candidate for any deadly disease. So, as I overhear my father on the phone, he and my mom's doctor talk about the life expectancy of my mother being only a few months.

My mother being the soldier she is... still took me to school, cooked dinner... the whole nine. Still, I had to act as if I knew nothing of her cancer because that would worry her about my mental state.

If you haven’t caught on, my mother is a very selfless person and even though that sounds great, it actually was half bad because that is what killed her.

So 3 years passed, and my mom is still alive and the doctors believed that since she didn’t die as they expected the cancer must be in remission. Fast-forward to late 2006, around Christmas time, my mother had lost tremendous amounts of weight and she became more bed ridden. But with mom being mom, she told myself and others stories so that we would not worry for her.

An example is that she said “she was on a diet and that she just had headaches so she needed to rest more” but little did we know that the cancer came back. My father set appointments up for my mom to get checked out but she wouldn’t go. I believe she refused to go because she knew that the cancer had returned but she didn’t want to have a doctor reiterate it.

After my junior year in high school she returns to the hospital because of her gout. When we brought her to the emergency room she had lost large amounts of blood and had to be looked at over night because her blood pressure was out of control.

Within 72 hours after the blood tests, the doctor informed my parents that the cancer had grown back. So for the next few months my mom took Chemo Therapy; however she left an hour early to pick me up from school or a friend’s house.

This is why I state that her selflessness killed her because she spent more time worrying about me then herself. In the end she passed away in Prince Georges Hospital in Cheverly, MD at 3:00 AM July 30 2007.

In conclusion, if my mother were to be selfish about her health she would still be alive. When she knew her time was coming, she was not afraid of death. She was afraid of how my father, sister and myself would manage. So if many of you wonder what goes on in a person's head with cancer, normally their thought is how will my family be when I’m not around. Also for those who are nice and selfless like my mother you can't expect to take care of others unless you take care of yourself, so please get yourself checked (Especially Black Women).

Finally, for teens who have a parent with cancer like me or have someone close to them with a deadly disease just pray, because the doctors can't determine when your loved one departs from this earth and if you're scared, pray some more or try some form of meditation. In addition, get family support and always be positive, especially around the sick, because believe it or not good vibes can help a sick person heal. Also remember to look on the bright side. When my mom died from cancer I had to learn that my mom was suffering while she was on this earth but all of the torture stopped when she died.

God Bless,
Clifton C. Blair

*****************************************

Please remember that often when a black woman is diagnosed with breast cancer she is more likely to DIE from breast cancer. More frequently than her white sister. Considering how often we are the center of our family's universe... that means that a lot of sisters, brothers, parents, children, neighbors, co-workers, friends, sorority sisters, on-line friends, cousins, etc. will have to go on without you there. So, the exact thing you're working to do (take care of everyone else at your own expense) will end up undone because you won't be here to do it.

Like Clifton said... we have to take care of ourselves if we want to be able to take care of others. It is that simple.

We don't always have to be superwoman. We do have the right to be selfish sometimes. And to press for our voices to be heard. Check your breasts regularly. Heck... make a game out of it and have your partner check 'em for you. (laughs) But know your body. Listen to your body... it will tell you if something is wrong. And if you feel that something isn't quite right, keep repeating it to your doctor until he or she listens and takes proactive action.

Breast cancer is my enemy. I refuse to let it win because I failed to fight back with everything I have. Clifton's message really hit home for me.

Guest post: Maurice Judkins, Breast Cancer in Black America

A love letter and wake-up call to the black community regarding breast cancer.

A few years ago, I asked some of my twitter followers if they wanted to write a guest post on this blog giving their perspective about breast cancer. One of the people who responded to my request was my Twitter friend Maurice. Maurice works as a radiation therapist and his post is one of my favorite on the blog because he is passionate about health in the black community. Maurice provided a really great post about the impact that breast cancer has on the black community, and ways that people can be proactive about their health regarding breast cancer.

His post really is like a love letter to all of us who have been through this or who are concerned about it. (Which should be all of us)
~Nic

Breast Cancer in Black America

Although, we (African Americans) are a quite resilient race--we love our culture, our family, and our heritage -- sadly, not our bodies. We willingly ignore health related tell- tell signs. Age-specific diagnostic exams are often waved off. They are thought to be more of a hassle rather than help. Many think if we are feeling fine there is no need to have a mammogram or other recommended exams. And even sadder yet, we fear if you seek you SHALL find.

The fact of the matter is that African Americans have the highest cancer rates of all racial ethnicities, yet we feel less at risk.

According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), cancer is currently the second-leading cause of death in the United States following Heart Disease.

With that said, my sistas, please, listen:

Wake up! Wake up and take control of your health, your beauty and of course, your life.

You all are and will forever be the backbone of the Black man and our culture. Without you we would cease to exist! Cancer is a very serious deal and of course very frightening. Most equate the feeling of receiving the bad news with that of being punched in the stomach multiple times. You are flooded with emotions and immediately feel it is a death sentence. Fortunately, this is not the case in very many instances. Yep, most cases are highly curable.

The first step is detection. Early detection in all forms of cancer is the key. Every young lady should perform a self breast exam monthly. Usually two to three days after your menstrual cycle. Dr. M. Punukollu describes how to successfully perform this exam below.

Stand in front of a mirror with your upper body unclothed and pressing both hands behind your head.

Look for changes in the shape and size of your breasts.
Check for dimples of the skin or "pulling in" of the nipples.
Check for scaling or a rash on your beasts and nipples.
Next, place your hands on your hips and press firmly inward, tightening your chest muscles, while looking at your breasts for any change in their usual appearance. Perform leaning slightly forward and again while standing upright.

How should I feel my breasts?

In fact, there are three different methods that can be used, all equally effective. It is important that you choose the method that you are most comfortable with and use the same method each month.

Circular method

Use the hand opposite the breast you are examining, beginning at the outermost top of your breast.
Press the flat portions of the second, third and fourth fingertips into your breast.
Move in small circles slowly around your breast, working toward the nipple.
Press gently to feel tissues under the skin and more firmly to feel deep tissues.
Cover all areas of the breast.
Repeat for the opposite breast.

"Wheel Spokes" Method

Imagine your breast is divided into sections, like spokes dividing a wheel.
Begin at the outermost top of the breast.
Press the flat portions of the fingertips into your left breast, moving first toward the nipple, then away from the nipple.
When you complete that section, slide your fingers slightly to the next area and repeat the process, gradually moving around your entire breast.
Repeat for your opposite breast.

Grid Method

Begin at the innermost portion of the breast, near the breastbone.
With the flat portions of the fingertips, move down your breast, pressing firmly and gently.
Slide your fingers slightly and move up your breast, then down, and so forth until the entire breast area has been examined.
Repeat for the opposite breast.

Lying down

Masses in the lower part of the breast may be more easily felt lying down.
To examine your left breast, lie flat on your back with a pillow or folded towel under your left shoulder.
Raise your left arm over your head.
Use the flat portions of the second, third and fourth fingertips of your right hand to examine your left breast with one of the above methods.
Press gently to feel tissues under the skin and then more firmly for deep tissues.
Repeat for the right breast.

Standing up

Masses in the upper part of the breast are easier to detect while standing upright.
Place your left hand behind your head, and with the flat portions of the second, third and fourth fingertips of the right hand, examine your entire left breast by one of the methods described.
Repeat for your right breast.

Nipple area

Gently squeeze your left nipple between your right index finger and thumb and look for any discharge.
Repeat for right nipple.

Additional areas

Check the area between the upper outer breast and your armpit, as well as the armpit itself.
Check the area just above your collarbones for enlarged lymph nodes.

Another early detection tool is having a mammogram performed annually beginning at age 40. However, if you have a family member with a history of breast cancer or any other form of cancer I would advise having it done sooner. Please consult with your primary care physician about your specific case.


According to Science Daily ( Mar 22 2009):

African Americans have a shorter life expectancy than whites, and cancer plays a major role in this disparity. African Americans are more prone to get cancer; they tend to present at a later, deadlier stage; and they have poorer survival rates after diagnosis

What the heck IS this?! Seriously!!! We are much smarter than this! Take the first step. Get the exams done, get informed. Read, black people! Tell your mothers, your grandmothers, your sisters and even your brothers and fathers. Yes, that’s right. There is one percent breast cancer prevalence in men. Studies show that black men are more likely to die from breast cancer than our white counterparts.

This disease is not the end. Yes, there are many facets and disparities that come with it but YOU CAN FIGHT. There many black women living happy, healthy and successful lives post breast cancer battles. Take control!

I tell my patients that wellness begins with mental wellness. A positive and optimistic attitude can move mountains… let that marinate.

For more information, you can visit the American Cancer Society website. http://www.cancer.org/

About the writer:

Maurice Terrial Judkins BSRT (T) is a Radiation Therapist with over ten years experience. He is certified with the American Registry of Radiologic Technologists and holds a B.S. Degree in Radiologic Sciences.

You may follow him on twitter @sdotslim

What gives me strength? Love does.

The Komen Foundation asked me to share what gives me strength for their breast cancer awareness campaign this month. It didn't take long for me to admit that love is really giving me a lot of strength these days.

If you're a new reader of the blog, you're probably not aware that I had sworn off relationships a couple of years ago. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I was in a relationship. At the time, I was happy and I thought that he and I had a long future ahead of us.

I was wrong. 

Some couples manage to navigate a breast cancer diagnosis with relative ease and it manages to draw them closer. That isn't true for many survivors though. Cancer is a hard disease for the patient and the family. A lot of relationships end during treatment or after.

It is one of those side effects that people don't really talk about. But it is very real. My relationship ended while I was recuperating from my mastectomy. I'll be honest, the stress of the breakup probably contributed to some slow healing progress for a few weeks. Eventually I accepted it for what it was and refocused on myself and getting through the remainder of my treatment in good spirits.

Some people call that strong. I say, I had no choice.

Unfortunately, the really bad side effect of losing a relationship while in treatment for breast cancer was that I was scared of loving someone else. Let me be honest, I was afraid of being rejected again. I dated occasionally -- with terrible results -- and after some bad tries and poor choices, I figured that perhaps the loving relationship I wanted just wasn't meant to be. I don't often hear guys talking about how sexy that breast cancer survivor is... or how they would be okay with dating a girl with an interesting medical history.

I don't blame them. This stuff gets tough sometimes. Makes you just wanna say...

I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't different after treatment. I most definitely am different now. And I don't have time for foolishness or folks who aren't sure about what they want. Especially when the "what" is ME.

Hell... I'm fabulous -- with or without boobies. Any man who doesn't get it, isn't worth it.

I thought that there wasn't a guy out there who would be able to see past the exterior to get to know me and fall in love. I also thought that I was too damaged to be desirable.

And I have to admit that I was really wrong. I met the greatest guy a few years ago through Facebook and from our first time out together, we've pretty much been inseparable. He is a gem. We fit like two bookends.

[Yes, those are really our hands while we were out with friends one night]

The most amazing part of it all is that with him in my life, I feel stronger. Its not that I feel like a better person because I have a boyfriend. Not at all. But this guy GETS ME. He understands my quirks and finds them endearing. He doesn't think its weird that I'd rather text than call. He finds it entertaining that I can sit on the computer for hours writing and listening to music. He understands me and he listens.  And I understand him and I listen to him. We're not perfect but we fit together really well.

When I complete my manuscript (and I promise you, it is coming)... you'll have him to thank for it. He has been pushing and encouraging me to follow my dreams in a way that helps me to get out of my own way.

He's a great guy. And amazingly, his support and love really have helped me to feel strong. Because he helps me to find my own inner strength.

I'm here to tell everyone, if my cranky, nerdy, eccentric self can find a great guy... there is really hope for everyone to find love. Even after breast cancer.

Check out our story on Komen's website (By the way, they totally updated their site and it is so very beautiful now). 

Read: Gives Me Strength, Nicole McLean

Another study shows breast cancer kills more black women

One thing I've learned on this journey with breast cancer is that disease can be a great equalizer in many aspects. Breast cancer strikes men and women, old and young, rich and poor. It doesn't leave anyone out. However, how it strikes and how hard it strikes can be more devastating to particular communities and in ways that are difficult to explain.


I won't stop blogging about my journey with breast cancer because women like me are diagnosed every day with this disease. We may not be affected as often as older, white women... but we are definitely affected. My hope is that my blog and my efforts to speak out about this disease and my experiences with it will reach each woman who sees me and sees herself as well.

In some areas of the breast cancer community, I often feel like the odd step-sister. I feel that way because when it comes to incidences of breast cancer, women like myself (diagnosed under 45, African-American) represent a small piece of the story. Yet, we're most likely to die from the disease. In 2011, an estimated 26,000 black women will be diagnosed with breast cancer and about 6,000 black women will die from this disease. Compare that with over 230,000 cases of breast cancer overall and 39,000 deaths overall. We are affected and though we are a small percentage of overall cases, this disease does take a huge toll on our community.

"I won't stop blogging about my journey with breast cancer because women like me are diagnosed every day with this disease."

Another study has emerged that shows that black women are more likely to die from breast cancer than other women with the disease. There was a thought that the reason why black women and Latina women had higher mortality rates was because they weren't as likely to receive radiation treatment for their breast cancer. But this new study shows that radiation treatment isn't the great equalizer for sistas like myself. Even with radiation treatment, we're still more likely to die from this disease.


It pains my heart to learn this.

Example of a radiation scar

I went through two months of radiation therapy.

I was subjected to 5 treatments per week for 7 and a half weeks. That is a long damn time.

Radiation therapy is unpleasant. Well, the actual treatment isn't that bad. It only takes a few moments to be zapped with the light and then you're done.

What makes it unpleasant is that the treatment has a cumulative effect. Each week is worse than the week before. And by the end of the treatment, your skin and your body are still suffering from the effects of the treatment weeks later. It sucks your energy, leaving you lethargic and fatigued... it burns your skin. And I don't mean burn like a mild sunburn... I mean burn, as in charred like a hot dog on a hot grill. It makes you puffy and swollen. It hurts. Its ugly. Its super painful and its scary.

But to learn that all of that pain and torture, doesn't actually reduce my likelihood to die from this disease just makes me sad.

I went through radiation therapy in 2009. I still have scarring from my radiation treatment that hasn't gone away. I am starting to believe that I may always have this discolored patch of skin on my chest and on my neck. Just another battle scar I suppose. Another bit of evidence that I made it through.


I can only pray and hope that scientists and researchers are still looking for ways to cure this disease. And while they are searching for a cure, hopefully they will continue to discover ways to make the treatment more tolerable.



Source: http://www.futurity.org/health-medicine/breast-cancer-kills-more-black-women/
http://ww5.komen.org/BreastCancer/RaceampEthnicity.html

Nic Nac discusses her breast cancer journey on BET.com

Remember when I told you the other day that I might be on tv?? [Go read: I may be on tv y'all!]  Well, its REAL! I am on television. The breast cancer awareness PSA started airing on Wednesday, October 1st on BET and Centric networks. I've only caught it one time. But it was absolutely gorgeous. And I don't mean I was gorgeous... but the set looked amazing, my pink ribbon sisters looked amazing, even the backstage candid shots were wonderful.

Such an amazing day!

Random shot of the set. That crew was INCREDIBLE!

It is absolutely great. I cannot tell you how blessed and honored I feel to have been included in this opportunity. All I can say is... prayer works.

To that end, while I don't have a copy of that 30 second public service announcement, I did snag a copy of a longer video from the BET.com website of myself explaining how I discovered my breast cancer and my advice to other women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Please take a look and let me know your thoughts. This is the first time I've ever been involved in something this grand. I am really very proud of this. I sincerely hope and pray that more opportunities like this one come my way.

I'm even thinking about taking acting classes to get more comfortable in front of the camera and to work on my presentation skills. (And I am committed to losing a few pounds... tee hee).

My video at BET



Please, PLEASE tweet this link out if you like the video. I want to spread this message as far and as wide as I possibly can. Thank you so much for sharing this journey with me. And thank you... for taking good care of your breasts. Your life matters. We can't let this disease stop us.

Leave a comment on the BET site too! 

Nicole McLean – ‘Each Breast Cancer Story Is Different’ - Survivor talks support system and embracing... http://t.co/jV6OIPEVOs
— #BRealBET (@BRealBET) October 3, 2014