Well, my favorite holiday (after my birthday and Valentine's day) is over. I absolutely love Thanksgiving. I do. Its a lot of work... but any good reason to get together with family I don't see often enough makes me happy.
My boyfriend and I visited my family in North Carolina and it was just a marvelous family time. One of my aunties expressed a lot of surprise that I had a "man" at dinner. (laughs) I don't blame her for being surprised... he's probably the first guy I ever took "home" for Thanksgiving.
Seeing how much my dad's hometown has grown up made me nostalgic for all the memories and fun times I had visiting during my lifetime. I also spent a lot of time remembering family members who passed on... especially my grandparents. I do wish they could see all of us now.
** Lawd, I ate so much I was miserable on the ride home. So much delicious food, I chose to just eat it all instead of picking and choosing. (laughs) **
There was a time to talk about breast cancer awareness too. Imagine that! (I didn't bring it up, pinky swear) One of my aunties told me how proud she was of me for doing the BET breast cancer awareness promotion. And then another auntie shared that she was currently 4 years cancer-free from her second bout with the disease. (That made me extremely happy!)
We got into a brief discussion about mammograms and breast exams. Naturally my family is pretty sensitive about it, with two survivors how can you not be? But they make me proud with their advocacy and willingness to talk to people about breast cancer. I can't ask for anything more.
I didn't take any pictures... I was so busy enjoying myself, laughing, over-eating and watching the sad faces watching football games that it didn't occur to me. But tell me... how was your Thanksgiving? Did you eat well? Tell me all about it.
Or, learning how to be a lady by allowing him to be a gentleman. Also could be... sometimes you should just let people help you.
This crazy meme showed up on Facebook the other day and it made me giggle... and then it made me pause. The giggle was because half of the country has been battling unusual snow & coldness this week. While we don't have snow where I live, it has been wickedly cold. I laughed thinking about how many couples were probably going through some version of this conversation right now.
Y'all know my sense of humor is a little twisted.
But then I thought about it and I put myself and my boyfriend into the scenario. Welp... wasn't funny to me then.
This guy?? I love him... I do.
I love this cat. Seriously. While he's a morning person... I am not. No really. I am everything possibly OPPOSITE of being a morning person. And this dude? Wakes up with a pep in his step and a smile and a dance. So, if it should happen that I had to be to work hours before he did... I know that I wouldn't wake him up to clean off my car. Because if he was asleep later than me, he's tired. I'd want him to rest.
Wait... what? Did I just say that? Me? Queen of "She who hates snow and cold weather immensely"? Me? Who would rather sit inside for days on end than to go outside in the cold and bad weather? ME? I'd go and do it myself instead of waking up my guy to do it for me?
Well... yeah. I would. **This is all hypothetical and rhetorical because I don't have a car and we do not live together... **
I shared the picture on Facebook and the responses were interesting. Most of the responses (from women and men) were that the guy should get up and clean off her car. As I watched the responses come in, I started feeling bad. Because I honestly felt that if the situation were between me and my guy... I would NOT wake him up or expect him to do it.
But... wait. I think I'm kind of a traditional girl. Sort of. *blink*
Well, maybe not as much as I'd like to believe.
Hell... I don't know. I just know that there are times when gender roles work for me. And there are times when they don't. Generally speaking, I'm all about a guy doing what "guys do" and a girl doing what "girls do". But I run into problems because I don't always do what girls do.
Like... wait for him to open my door. Lawd... I am always catching the eye for that one. And as I thought about it, when I did have a vehicle and was dating... I could not remember ONE time when the man I was dating cleaned off my gar. Or pumped my gas. Or concerned himself in any way with how my vehicle was running. Or ... well, you get the picture. So I don't have a frame of reference for that.
I figured that if it was my car, it must be my business. Even though I grew up with my father cleaning off cars, sidewalks and driveways all my life. Even though I watched my daddy drive my mother (and sometimes me) to work when the weather was bad. When it came to me and my guy... it never entered my mind that he would even want to.
My guy thought it was strange that I even questioned it. He commented that if it were he and I, before I woke up my car would be cleared and he'd be available to drive me to work (or wherever) because I wouldn't need to be out there in bad weather trying to navigate the streets.
Wow. How about that?
As I thought about it for awhile... it reminded me of going through my cancer treatment. I was down... chemotherapy was hard as hell on my body. I was so weak; some days just getting to the bathroom and back into bed was a lot of work. I had to learn through that period of my life to allow people to do things for me. I'm better at accepting help than I was before breast cancer. But this silly Facebook meme reminded me that I'm not quite where I probably should be.
Guess I need to dust off my etiquette books and catch a refresher. I'm obviously slipping in my "being a lady" understanding.
What about you? Do you just do it yourself? Or do you wait for your guy (or someone else) to do certain things for you? Leave me a comment... let me know if I'm the only one out here struggling with falling back into bad habits.
PS. This book The New Basic Black: Home Training for Modern Times -- Revised Edition is a GREAT read for understanding basic etiquette (or home training as its referred to in the black community). I need to get the revised edition. I have the original and I loved it. Be sure to check it out.
A random thought... that led me down the rabbit hole
I often share random thoughts that come to me on social media. Typically, these thoughts or questions are things that have been simmering beneath the surface of my life but I don't bother them. Every so often, one of those deeper thoughts will bubble up to the surface of my conscious and just sit there. It usually feels like its demanding an answer but sometimes I guess it just wants some light and air... just to be noticed.
Cleaning up the kitchen one night, I was thinking about some of the really brave and transparent pink ribbon sisters I know (or follow on social media) who are fighting metastatic breast cancer. Their stories about this part of their journey with breast cancer are breathtakingly raw. Now that my active treatment for breast cancer is over, reading other stories keeps me grounded in my advocacy.
And as I was loading the dishwasher... it occurred to me that not one of the sisters I thought about was a black woman. Now, the race of the women didn't bother me. Any story about breast cancer is a valid one. But as a black woman, I am keenly interested in the stories of women who look like me as well.
Realizing that I didn't recall any stories of black metastatic survivors actually made me feel badly for a moment. I felt like perhaps I was letting my sisters down by not plugging in to stories of black women with metastatic breast cancer.
When I got back to my computer, I did a google search for metastatic black women... and I came up with a lot of links to stories and articles about the higher rate of deaths of black women from breast cancer. But I didn't find a personal story or link to a sister who was living with metastatic breast cancer.
So I'm wondering... where are my sisters?
Black women have a higher rate of mortality from breast cancer. Unless I'm not clearly understanding how a person transitions from breast cancer, I think that means that black women are more likely to have advanced stage or metastatic breast cancer. So where are those images, those stories? The women that I follow online and have met in person, have been fighting their stage IV cancer for a number of years. Is the lack of images and stories of black women fighting metastatic breast cancer because we transition faster, or we're more private?
There is a difference between "house" business and "street" business
It is a cultural taboo for black people to speak publicly about some personal issues. Health issues, especially health issues that strike women primarily, are one of those things that we typically don't talk about to others. We're changing that taboo slowly but surely... but I wonder whether that long-standing tradition to "keep house business private" is keeping some of our metastatic sisters from feeling comfortable sharing their story with the world.
Don't get me wrong... I am proud of the many black women I see regularly and know personally who are sharing their stories of surviving breast cancer. I had the fortunate blessing of participating in a wonderful breast cancer promotion with several fabulous and fascinating black breast cancer survivors recently. I think the work we did that day creating beautiful and heartfelt videos sharing our stories of our journey and our survival was beyond great.
We have to talk about metastatic breast cancer too
But... as many of my white metastatic sisters have taught me, there is more than one narration to this story about breast cancer. Yes, we all fight and we all struggle to win against this disease that takes so much from so many of us. And yes, breast cancer is more treatable today than it has been in years past. But that treatable portion of the conversation only applies to those of us who are diagnosed stage 0 through stage 3. The earlier that breast cancer is identified and diagnosed, the more likely that it will be treatable. We aren't talking enough about stage 4, metastatic breast cancer. And those stories are valid and necessary for all of us to understand. Everyone doesn't survive breast cancer and then shoot off to run marathons and open non-profits. That's just not the reality of all of my pink ribbon sisters.
So I return to the top of the rabbit hole. If black women are more likely to die from breast cancer, that means that there have to be black women in the world who are metastatic. Can anyone tell me where I can find those sisters and learn their stories?
Breast cancer does affect different races and cultures in different ways. Black women are more likely to have very aggressive and hard to treat/stop breast cancer. We are more likely to have triple negative breast cancer (the most aggressive subtype of breast cancer). We are also more likely to be diagnosed at a later stage than our white sisters, which also leads to difficulty in treatment. The disparity is real. Black women are not diagnosed at the same rate as white women, so I do understand why their are more images and stories of white women with breast cancer in general and metastatic breast cancer specifically.
I'm just wondering where my black metastatic sisters are. I want to see their faces and learn their stories too. Am I wrong for thinking this way?
For more information, please check out these links.
I have noticed very little growth. It might be there but I can't see it yet. I have been scouring youtube for videos about what to do with my natural hair. It seems that my hair texture has changed... once again. It is more tightly coiled than it used to be.
Immediately following chemotherapy, my hair grew back straight and very soft. Very much like baby hair. From there it had a soft wave and then a solid curl pattern. But still very soft; very very soft. Over the years, it has changed textures a few times... getting more coily and curly each time. It is still soft - if I don't put anything on it - and pretty fragile. But now, it is really tight. I'm not used to so much shrinkage.
I'm not sure how to handle the tightness now. At any rate, that's why I can't tell how much its grown in these two weeks. But I have been drinking my water, taking my biotin and multi-vitamins and keeping up with the LOC method of keeping it moisturized.
LOC method = Liquid, oil, cream.
After reading a bit and watching a few youtube videos, I decided to create my own liquid to use regularly on my hair.
My recipe is simple: water, leave-in conditioner and tea tree oil. I don't measure anything but its just a few drops of tea tree oil, maybe 1 ounce of conditioner and water to fill my bottle. That's it.
I use just a light spritz of liquid to make it easier to manipulate. My hair is not dripping wet when I do my LOC. It is clearly wet, but not soaking wet. I then put just a bit of oil on my hands (about the equivalent of a quarter-sized amount) and rub it through. I finish with a creamy hair dressing and then I either wrap it up in a silk scarf or I brush coil it and then wrap it. Depends on whether or not I plan to leave the house.
The silk scarf has really been helpful. I don't see as much breakage on my pillow and its not as frizzy and crazy looking when I wake up.
**And the boyfriend doesn't mind my scarf at all. He said it was sexy. I think he was lying... but I'll take it. **
Letting go of biotin
I was taking 5000mg of biotin daily. I was told by a facebook friend that using 10,000mg would speed up my hair growth. I didn't think that I had an issue with biotin because I never experienced the breakouts that some women have complained about. However, after about a week... I started having to run to the bathroom all the time. It seemed like I was going to the bathroom every 10 minutes honestly. At first, I thought it was just because I was drinking my water and I didn't think much about it. But after a couple of days, I started wondering. So I stopped the biotin but kept everything else the same... and now my urination seems more normal.
Not sure if there is a connection or not... but I'm just going to cut back on the biotin. I think instead of 5000mg daily, I might do 5000mg per week. I've read a lot of information about biotin, and nothing I've read has been terrible. I just want to be sure I'm not doing too much.
...and I "dusted" my ends... gasp!
Forgot to mention that I also dusted the ends of my hair the other day. Just a really quick trim. Nothing deep or major. But I also learned somethings with that.
One, hairdressers are paid for a reason.
Two, trimming your own hair is not that much fun.
Three, it does help my hair feel better.
I wasn't thrilled with seeing the little curls on the bathroom counter but I will admit that my hair feels better and is a bit less frizzy. One day soon, I'll have to go and have it professionally trimmed but I want it to grow a bit more first. (I'm afraid I'll tell the stylist to break out some clippers and buzz away).
That's my update. I don't have any pics to share yet but next update I'll be sure to take a few. I guess I'll do a post with all of the different products I'm using. Yeah... that might be cool.
This is how I feel when I think about the holidays! This is the joy before the realization of all the work that it takes to make the holidays POP!
But right now?? I am here for it.
So, in honor of my current state of joy and bliss... I've decided to create the:
MFB Holiday Guide, for the clueless and gift-challenged among us.
Don't be disturbed by the title. That's a work in progress. But it is what's on my mind. I'll be honest, buying gifts, good gifts, is hard in the best of circumstances. However, if you are budget-conscious (who isn't these days) or if you're having difficulty trying to figure out what to get your favorite breast cancer survivor (or other really nice person in your life)...
I'm here to help!
Disclaimer: I am not the shopping guru. I promise you, I'm not. I will melt down at the mall in a minute. Don't believe me? Ask my man about that time, early in our dating.... when I LOST. IT. at the mall. Actually... don't ask him. He's still traumatized. Poor thing. (I'm still apologizing for that...)
Anyhoo... Nic Nac is not Queen of the Mall. But I can sometimes get it right. And even better, I am often approached by companies and small businesses to test and review their products. Some of them are great. Some of them are not. I will only recommend the great ones. I promise.
So, I'm in the final stages of creating the first annual "My Fabulous Boobies: Holiday Gift Guide". I want you to have it as soon as possible so that you can prepare yourself for Black Friday... or Cyber Monday (whichever is your preference).
It will be fabulous... cuz this is the Fabulous Boobies blog after all. It won't be full of cheesy boobie joke gifts either (though those do make me giggle, a lot). I will have it available as a downloadable document with interactive links (where possible) just to make the shopping experience easier for you, as well as a normal blog post.
Now... this is my FIRST TIME creating a holiday guide. If its not as fancy-schmancy as your other favorite blogger (who isn't me)... well... try it anyway! LOL. I'm trying to make it great and bring you gift ideas that you may not have considered. It will be cool.
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OFFER: If you are a small business owner and you want to submit something for consideration... hurry, hurry, hurry! Send me an email right away [Click here to email Nic Nac] and let me know what you've got. If you can get it to me within a few days, it might make the guide.
In the subject line please put: MFB Holiday Gift Guide Submission. You really don't want it to get lost in my inbox.
That's it. Hold on! I've got some really cool gift ideas for you to consider.
.png "My Marion Barry Story | My Fabulous Boobies")
is a GREAT read for understanding basic etiquette (or home training as its referred to in the black community). I need to get the revised edition. I have the original and I loved it. Be sure to check it out. 
