The Komen Foundation asked me to share what gives me strength for their breast cancer awareness campaign this month. It didn't take long for me to admit that love is really giving me a lot of strength these days.
If you're a new reader of the blog, you're probably not aware that I had sworn off relationships a couple of years ago. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I was in a relationship. At the time, I was happy and I thought that he and I had a long future ahead of us.
I was wrong.
Some couples manage to navigate a breast cancer diagnosis with relative ease and it manages to draw them closer. That isn't true for many survivors though. Cancer is a hard disease for the patient and the family. A lot of relationships end during treatment or after.
It is one of those side effects that people don't really talk about. But it is very real. My relationship ended while I was recuperating from my mastectomy. I'll be honest, the stress of the breakup probably contributed to some slow healing progress for a few weeks. Eventually I accepted it for what it was and refocused on myself and getting through the remainder of my treatment in good spirits.
Some people call that strong. I say, I had no choice.
Unfortunately, the really bad side effect of losing a relationship while in treatment for breast cancer was that I was scared of loving someone else. Let me be honest, I was afraid of being rejected again. I dated occasionally -- with terrible results -- and after some bad tries and poor choices, I figured that perhaps the loving relationship I wanted just wasn't meant to be. I don't often hear guys talking about how sexy that breast cancer survivor is... or how they would be okay with dating a girl with an interesting medical history.
I don't blame them. This stuff gets tough sometimes. Makes you just wanna say...
I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't different after treatment. I most definitely am different now. And I don't have time for foolishness or folks who aren't sure about what they want. Especially when the "what" is ME.
Hell... I'm fabulous -- with or without boobies. Any man who doesn't get it, isn't worth it.
I thought that there wasn't a guy out there who would be able to see past the exterior to get to know me and fall in love. I also thought that I was too damaged to be desirable.
And I have to admit that I was really wrong. I met the greatest guy a few years ago through Facebook and from our first time out together, we've pretty much been inseparable. He is a gem. We fit like two bookends.
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| [Yes, those are really our hands while we were out with friends one night] |
The most amazing part of it all is that with him in my life, I feel stronger. Its not that I feel like a better person because I have a boyfriend. Not at all. But this guy GETS ME. He understands my quirks and finds them endearing. He doesn't think its weird that I'd rather text than call. He finds it entertaining that I can sit on the computer for hours writing and listening to music. He understands me and he listens. And I understand him and I listen to him. We're not perfect but we fit together really well.
When I complete my manuscript (and I promise you, it is coming)... you'll have him to thank for it. He has been pushing and encouraging me to follow my dreams in a way that helps me to get out of my own way.
He's a great guy. And amazingly, his support and love really have helped me to feel strong. Because he helps me to find my own inner strength.
I'm here to tell everyone, if my cranky, nerdy, eccentric self can find a great guy... there is really hope for everyone to find love. Even after breast cancer.
Check out our story on Komen's website (By the way, they totally updated their site and it is so very beautiful now).
Read: Gives Me Strength, Nicole McLean
