Blessed to see another birthday

I am blessed to see another birthday


Ahhhh... it is my birthday and I am an emotional, weepy, happy mess.


I'm here. 


I made it another year. And I'm so damned happy that I can't smile harder if I wanted to. Even through these tears in my eyes... I am smiling and my heart is beaming!

I was diagnosed with breast cancer July 2008. By the time my birthday rolled around the next year, I had been through chemotherapy, a mastectomy, radiation therapy and I was wearing a breast prosthesis (trying to hide the fact that one side of my chest was breastless).


The things that matter most to me now. Love, Friendship, Progress and Purpose.
I am blessed!


The growth that I've experienced between my 40th birthday and my 45th is amazing


When my 40th birthday arrived in 2009, I had ended a relationship that meant everything to me, lost my sense of who I was, and was generally confused about what my life was going to be like going forward.

I couldn't imagine really being happy again.

I gave up my hopes for having kids because chemotherapy threw me into early menopause.  Plus, after my relationship ended I really didn't expect to date again or ever be in love.

My dream family blew away as the months of treatment and surgeries stretched into two and a half years of doctor visits and trips to the hospital.

I lost ME during my fight against breast cancer. She was hard to get back.


I fought my medical team for months before finally agreeing to give up my breast.

With that loss, I lost my feeling of sexiness and attractiveness. I lost a piece of my identity. So much of my femininity was wrapped up in my breasts and my curvy silhouette.

I lost my hair, which surprised me with the level of angst it brought me. I just... I lost me.

Breast cancer chipped me apart month after month after month. Stealing one small part after another. Causing me to suffer countless embarrassing and painful moments.

Eventually, breast cancer threw me into a dark place that I thought only breast reconstruction and the end of my treatment would fix. It didn't exactly happen the way I envisioned but eventually, the light did come back to my life. It took a couple of years, but it happened.

My fifth birthday as a survivor


This is the fifth birthday that I've celebrated as a breast cancer survivor. I cry every time I think about it. I weep in memory of the friends that I have lost in the years since my diagnosis.

The pain is sharper now that I am a survivor because I know intimately how hard they fought to stay here. All that they went through and relinquished... just to have another day, month, year to smile and laugh and feel. I weep in frustration and fear that one day my cancer will return.

Five years ago, I cried more often than I smiled. Today, I smile more often than I cry. But I still shed tears.

The emotional pain remains with me because we still don't have a cure. And too frequently someone close to me tells me that they've been diagnosed or someone close to them has been diagnosed... which breaks my heart all over again.

Despite that pain... I carry so much joy with me now that I smile and laugh with ease that surprises me some days. I have a relationship that brings me joy and peace. I have friends who celebrate LIFE with me all the time. I have good memories about my journey. And I have found purpose in breast cancer advocacy and blogging.

Celebrating my birthday is a NECESSITY and I will continue to do so every year that I am able


I've always been that girl who loved to celebrate her birthday. I am still that girl. But now the celebration is more than just "hey it's my special day".

Today the celebration is "HEY... I'm still here!" It brings tears to my eyes but God knows that I am grateful for the blessing of life today and every day.

Please join me today in praying for a cure for all cancers. And please take a moment to honor those who have survived cancer and those who succumbed to the disease. Thank you for sharing this special day with me. I appreciate you.





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