Life after cancer: Exercise with a wii

Do you exercise? 

Okay, that question was a deflection because I don't want to admit that I am doing pretty poorly in this department. My body is MAD about that too.

One of my favorite ways to waste time is to play around on pinterest.

[If you are on pinterest too, come follow my healthy board and let's get fit together. http://www.pinterest.com/pinkribbongirl/healthy-stuff-exercises/]

I have several boards dedicated to healthy living and fitness. *sigh*  I really have every intention of doing these exercises and juicing... and ... well... stuff like that.

Laughs.  No I don't.

I mean, I do but not really. Its just easier to pin pictures to boards on the internet and think about how well my body will respond to all the exercises I will do one day.

Anyhoo... the though hit me awhile back that perhaps a wii would be a good thing to have. My disclaimer is that I am NOT a gamer. I know nothing about video games, how they work or anything like that. I think the last video game I played was Donkey Kong. (Unless you count Facebook games like Chefville or games on your phone like Word Feud)

My question now is do you wii? Should I get one? And can I find a cheap one on Craig's list or something? I need some ideas for fun ways to exercise -- and please nobody say Zuumba. I have to work up to that level of working out.


Oh! Perhaps sex is a good exercise substitution? Ya think?

Yeah... this pink ribbon life is looking better and better.

WTF is "new normal"?

Soooo...

I'm like 5 years into this breast cancer survivor game and I'm gonna tell ya... I still don't think I understand what the HECK "new normal" is.

Seriously. I don't.

And then, I'll talk to someone who is newly diagnosed and I'll realize that I may not understand all of the craziness of my life after diagnosis, I do know more that someone who just received the news that they have breast cancer.

I suppose that it is human nature to romanticize the past history of your life. I often think back to my life before cancer and smile about the fun times I had. If it weren't for this bad habit of journaling that I have, I really would forget that I didn't understand my life before cancer either. I hated that I was single. I didn't like my job. I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up -- even though I've been an adult for a long time. I wondered how much longer I would be single. And I flip flopped over and over again about whether or not I would have kids, join a gym or move to Africa the way that I dreamed.

Now that I've been through breast cancer -- had some chemo, lost some hair, lost a breast, had radiation (and burns to show for it), got a new boob (and a tummy tuck), grew some hair, lost some weight, gained some back, lost some nails, those came back too -- now I can say that all the stuff I worried about before, doesn't matter in the same way. But it does still matter. Its just different.

I guess "new normal" means that nothing will ever feel the same and that is alright. The real question I guess I should be asking is... what the HECK is normal?


Because my normal before and my normal after are still a bit strange and humorous. New normal means that I get muscle cramps in my chest around my mastectomy scar. (those are so much fun). New normal means that my nails are brittle and my hair grows pretty slowly. New normal means that I have hot flashes and night sweats. Thanks menopause! And new normal means that I don't care that much about what people think about how I live, what makes me happy and how I am going about this life.

I curse like a sailor, with few apologies. My give a fugg has been broken for years now. The smallest things bring me the deepest joy. And I wear black Chuck Taylors nearly every day.

New normal is okay with me. Pink ribbon life strikes again!



Fighting moments of survivor's guilt

The bf and I went to one of our favorite spots to catch a football game, eat some wings and make googly eyes at each other. {Hey... let me enjoy these moments while they last. (laughs)} At any rate, we just wanted to spend a little time together and that was an easy choice for us. As we discussed general nothingness and laughed a bit... I had a moment where my heart was just full.

It was a bit of a full circle moment for me. A few years ago I had pretty much thought that it wasn't likely that I'd ever have this type of easy going relationship and joy again. I thought about how blessed I was in general. The days since my diagnosis have been more up than down and lately more up than even that. Realizing that you're happy when you really weren't sure that you would be can be deeply humbling. And I was humbled.

After I got home though, my feelings of joy slid into feelings of guilt. Slow waves of sadness started coming up and I wasn't sure if I deserved happiness. I started thinking about friends who had passed away from the same disease. The family and friends they left behind. Before I knew it, I was sobbing quietly and just wondering why me and not them? Not that I think my life is better than someone else's but because I think we're all worthy of seeing life to a long and fruitful end. Emphasis on the long part.

*deep sigh* 

I believe in God. I believe that He doesn't make mistakes and I believe that if I'm still here then there must be a reason for that. But I can't help but to remember the sister-friends I've lost over the years. I am saddened by their deaths and I feel some guilt for being a breast cancer survivor. I know I probably should not but I do.

This quote reminded me that even in my moments of guilt, I still have a choice to make. I have to choose life. I have to choose to enjoy my life. To live full and free and happy. To do less is a disservice to the ones who did not get to do what I am doing -- live. It isn't rational to feel guilty, even if it is very normal. I can grieve their deaths while still celebrating my own joys. I can dream of things and work toward goals without sabotaging my own efforts.


Once again I am reminded that this pink ribbon life is ever challenging me to grow as a human being. I would not have chosen breast cancer as my catalyst for emotional maturity but since it came my way... I will use it. :)
Guilt isn't always a rational thing... Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.
Maureen Johnson

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Where have I been?? In love...

Gosh... its been so long since I've blogged. I have been active on social media but I just couldn't find the words to share here about my pink ribbon life. But since pinktober is around the corner and it is time to "turn up" for the pinkest month of the year... I figured that I should start with the basics.

Where has Nicole been? 

Well, the short answer is -- right here. Meaning, my life has been going on in all of its pretty boring normalcy (the new normal of course) but now, I have a new love in my life. He is an awesome guy. Our story is kind of corny but to be fair, that sort of describes us too -- kind of corny. And I find it refreshing. I would not have it any other way. (laughs)

I am a strange bohemian chick. I don't make sense to a lot of people. I'm nerdy and a reluctant techie. I love books and music and writing. I am thrilled with the smallest things and often floored by the simple beauty of life. I'm sarcastic and sensitive and a whole bunch of other stuff; all balled up together. And he understands all of that. He is nothing like me -- besides the nerdy part -- and it works for us. Yin and Yang. All that jazz. He brings me peace. It is the most incredible feeling.

So, I've been cuddled up in love for most of the year and I have been neglecting my blog writing. It is time to come back to life and reconnect with the world. So, here I am.

Since we're about 10 days from the start of pinktober (and I've been missing in action for months), I'm going to start back with a bang. I'm kicking off a hashtag campaign!  *happy dance in my chair*

Get ready, get ready, get ready!! We're going to kick off pinktober telling the world about this #pinkribbonlife. The hashtags we will be using are #pinkribbonlife and #PRL. This will be our chance as survivors and caregivers to talk about real life beyond the pink ribbon.

Tomorrow's blog will provide all the details. In the meantime... let me share a picture with you so that you can see my joy.

#pinkribbonlife  Life beyond the pink ribbons.

Do you use scentsy?!

http://aliceelephantsandteaparties.tumblr.com/post/60976633232/please-feel-free-to-reblog-this-is-disgusting

Save the boobies

http://lilmissbizarre.tumblr.com/post/60991842965/i-know-alot-of-people-hate-the-save-the-boobies

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