I'm going to give you fair warning and a chance to look away now. This post is about s-e-x. Okay, so here we go. I want to talk to you about why I'm determined to learn the kama sutra.
*Somewhere somebody giggled and then said... what does this have to do with breast cancer? I heard you. Ok, so I imagined you in my mind... same difference.*
Breast cancer and kama sutra? Huh?
For folks new to this blog, I am a breast cancer survivor. Six years later and I am going strong. I have been through a lot. Chemotherapy. Mastectomy. Radiation therapy. Breast reconstruction. Physical therapy. Lymphedema. And all the fun details that go along with that.
And woven into the fabric of my experience has been the fun of dating and searching for love. Along with reclaiming my sense of self and establishing the baseline for my new normal life. For me, that includes a healthy s-x life.
What I've been through has changed my body... and how I think about myself
In 2009, I had breast reconstruction surgery. I opted for a procedure called the TRAM flap. You can read about it here: Almost a year after TRAM flap surgeryI chose the TRAM flap because at the time I had no desire for any foreign object in my body. I did not want implants because they required replacement/tweaking every so often, and I just was sick of all things surgical at the time. The TRAM flap uses fat from your own body and then rolls it up underneath your abdominal muscles, up to your chest and your surgeon creates a "breast-like mound" on your chest.
I have been reasonably pleased with my reconstructed breast. It isn't the same as my natural breast, but I don't feel lopsided and strange in my clothes. For me, that was worth the 12-hour surgery.
But now, I've got "issues"...
So, fast forward a few years and now we have an "issue". It is not a huge issue, but it is something to contend with and I have to fix it.
The problem? I experience really sharp painful muscle cramps in my belly now. On the side that was cut to accommodate my breast reconstruction. Not always and not often but typically during times when I really wish they wouldn't come. Like during s-x!!
*I'm going to pause so that you can marinate on this... *
S*x + belly cramps = ANNOYANCE!
If you're sexually active and you enjoy yourself, think back to your last great session... and now imagine yourself in the zone and BAM! Your whole belly just seizes up and starts cramping uncontrollably. Think of a pain similar to a charley horse in your leg... but in your belly instead.Now, imagine how 1) unsexy that is, 2) momentum stopping it is, and 3) just how frustrating and embarrassing it can be as well.
When I get these darned belly cramps I go through many odd configurations trying to get relief. First I stop moving completely. I grab my belly and squeeze. When that doesn't work, I lean way back and try to curve myself backwards in order to stretch out that muscle. If that doesn't stop it, I hop up out of bed... (yes, still nude).. and bounce around alternating between stretching myself up and out... and curving down into myself. I imagine that the sight is probably quite horrific actually but oh well... these are the things that I do.
The last time this happened to me, I burst into tears for about 10 minutes. I was in pain. I was also pretty embarrassed and frustrated.
I want to imagine that I looked graceful like a swan or a gazelle. But something tells me I probably look more like a penguin trying to do the electric slide or something. Not the smoothest but determined. I consider breast cancer as the gift that keeps on giving. I am too often reminded of my time with this disease at the most inopportune moments. Like in the middle of some strokey-doke. (Meh, don't judge me... )
My lightbulb moment!
So after I pulled myself together, and my belly stopped hurting, I had the bright light bulb idea that perhaps some switching of positions was necessary to make my life better.
*Okay, maybe I should have thought of this years ago.... Give me some credit for thinking of it at all, will ya? There is a lot going on in this little brain.*
The other day while hanging out with boo-dude, I suggested that we go to the bookstore. He is as much of a nerd as I am so he did not have any problem with my suggestion. And while browsing around he asked me what I was looking for. When I said that I was looking for a book to write a blog post, he didn't blink. When I then said, I needed a copy of the kama sutra... he gave me this look of pure lust.
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| [ The cookies can't have a better s*x life than I do. ] |
Ha! I love that dude. But I must have looked embarrassed because he left me alone to look at the sexual positions literature and make my choice. I thumbed through several books, but none of them really captured my attention. I decided to purchase one from Amazon and have it delivered to my home in a discreet brown box. (insert cheesy p*rn music here... bom chicka wom wom...)
My goal is to try as many of these positions as I can and to learn alternative ways to find pleasure... without triggering those wretched belly cramps. I figure that this is a win-win scenario. Adding new tricks to the repertoire is never a bad thing. Learning more and better ways to move my body is also good. But not letting breast cancer kick my butt in yet another way is the most promising reason of all.
Tell me... have you read the kama sutra? Did it make your life better or not? And if you have a secret patented no-fail move that you're willing to share, drop me a note in the comments. I wanna know the thoughts out there. Tell me whatcha working with.
