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I have learned a lot on this breast cancer journey
I spend a lot of time alone and in thought. That's part of the price I pay to be a writer. I guess it is a good thing that I enjoy thinking, I enjoy me-time and writing brings me deep joy. I was recently looking through my daily journal and I came across a notation I wrote to myself:
"What did I learn from this?" and "What did God want me to learn from this?"
I didn't have a date on the page so I'm not sure what project I was working on at the time, but the responses I wrote down startled me. The responses were very affirming. I did not remember writing it down, but I was glad that I did. I require daily affirmation and positive support. DAILY! I am not the type of sister who can hear something one time and absorb it into my spirit and change. Reading that brief handwritten passage lifted my spirits in a major way. So grateful that I wrote those thoughts down...
There were 8 points listed -- hence the title of this post -- and I am sharing them so that you can understand that everything about my breast cancer experience wasn't bad.
The top 8 things that breast cancer has taught me
Stop living in fear. This felt like a gut punch when I read it. I know that nobody wants to go through this. In hindsight, I don't blame you. But, in all honesty, as bad as it was I'm not sure that it ever lived up to my fears of it. And most importantly... it's over now. Move on. No, really. Move forward. On to the next thing. Life keeps on going and you should too. Another big scary thing could be around the corner but so what? Right now, in this moment... you are alive and capable. Stop letting the fear of what could go wrong keep you in hostage. On the other side of "what could go wrong" is... I DID IT! And believe me, it feels a whole lot better over here than over there.
You can handle more than you think. I have always considered myself a bit of a punk. Too soft-hearted (perhaps cowardly?) to handle some of life's really tough situations. I always felt that some people were better equipped for some things than I was. Now I know... that's some crap. I can handle anything that I decide I want to do. It may take more than one try. I may learn that I need more help (tutoring, studying, praying, investments,etc.) to get the thing done. But I can definitely handle more than I thought. And that is an amazing feeling.
You have a support system, don't be too proud to use them. There were months (many, many months) where I simply could not do certain things for myself. It hurt my feelings so badly to feel so weak and pitiful. Everything I thought about myself prior to breast cancer was based on the premises that "I have to do this on my own" and "I am a strong, independent black woman". However, this journey has taught me that it was arrogant to always want to offer help but never be willing to receive it.
People who accept help are not less than people who give help. Give and take is a natural cycle that requires both parts to work. I learned that a support system is vital to survival. I also learned that support comes in a variety of ways. I was supported physically by my family and very close friends. I needed them and they willingly stepped up and helped me. I will forever be grateful for that. But I was also supported emotionally via social media. My online friends kept my spirits up via email, twitter, and facebook. Using the tools of social media to connect with kindred spirits changed my life. I continue to be lifted by those friends and I do my best to lift others, in the same way. Before breast cancer, I thought I had to fight every fight alone. I failed so many times, at so many things, because I did not realize that it is my support system that gives me the ability to fly.
Take care of yourself = take care of your health. Taking care of yourself means all of you. The complete package of you deserves support and care. I know that sometimes life's limitations cause us to have to make hard choices. But choosing to care for yourself is a good idea all the time. As a woman, it is not unusual to put myself after others. Even non-mommies fall into the mindset that other people's needs/desires come before our own. Because of that, I struggled with feelings of guilt as I took very gentle care of myself during my recovery (and sometimes even now). But the reality is that sometimes you simply do not have the luxury of waiting until a more convenient time to deal with something. Breast cancer is not a "wait and see" disease. I had to learn that it was more than okay to take care of myself.
Trust your intuition. I carried the fear of breast cancer in my heart for a long, long time. Just between us, I always figured that I would have breast cancer at some point in my life. Now, I did not imagine that it would be before I was 40 but I did suspect that it was coming. It would have been easy to ignore the lump I felt and to disregard it. I could have easily believed that I was too young for breast cancer and simply pushed the possibility from my mind. But, my intuition is a strong nag and she wouldn't let me go. Each time I met with resistance from any medical personnel who felt that I was too young, not a likely candidate, blah blah blah... my intuition nudged me to press the issue for another test, another look, another opinion... just in case that first look was wrong. I am glad that my stubbornness worked in my favor.
Exercise is important. I am not very athletic. I think it comes with the territory when you're sort of clumsy. Which I am. My clumsiness has been my excuse not to participate in sports and generally be non-athletic most of my life. What can I say? Always being picked last for neighborhood kickball did have some effect on my self-esteem. However, after I had my mastectomy and I lost the ability to lift my arm over my head or even to shoulder level, I changed my perspective. Exercise and physical therapy made a huge difference in my life. I still don't exercise as much as I should but I do lot more than I used to. I have no choice. When I don't exercise, my body rebels. Exercise IS important. I like being able to stand up straight, raise my arms and wear high heels when I want to. And now, in order to do those things, I have to exercise and stretch regularly.
Healthy eating is important. Wow. I have learned so much about nutrition and eating since this journey began. I don't eat horribly before, but I can do better. Four moths of chemo totally changed my relationship with food. Some food is good for you. Some food is not. Eat more of the good. Less of the bad. Your body will thank you. My body tells me immediately when I've gone too far in the wrong direction. Sometimes it is annoying but mostly, it reminds me that I am alive and this body requires good fuel. I can live with that.
Health insurance is really helpful. I thank God every day for having great health insurance when I was diagnosed. There were so many patients I met along the way who were paying out of pocket (have you priced one round of chemotherapy lately?) or who were on government-assisted medical care. A lot of people are afraid to check themselves or to see a doctor because they fear how much being sick will cost them. I can't lie. It is very expensive to be sick. I hear that being dead might be cheaper... but not as much fun as being alive.
Live, I mean really LIVE, while you can. Take care of you. Be good to you. And be fearless. Even if you have to take baby steps towards your dreams. That baby step is still a step.
Live.
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