Prior to heading across the pond, I had been chatting occasionally with a guy who seemed pretty nice. He was significantly younger than me. (sigh) But even though that gave me a serious case of cold feet, I decided to just see what was really going on with him.
Turns out. Nothing much. Well, let me be more forthcoming... he was nice. He was very smart. Like... wicked smart. (and we all know how much intelligence excites me). All things considered.. there was something about him that was intriguing. And there was something else about him that left me feeling off-balance, a bit uncomfortable. Difficult to describe really but it wasn't something that I dismissed easily. I just tried not to focus on it. But one thing I am always reminded of... the gut don't lie. (laughs)
We met many, many months ago... like back in the early spring but I just couldn't make up my mind to date then (not him, not anyone). So, when I finally resigned myself to the idea that I needed more balance in my life, including some type of social interaction, I decided to go out with him.
There wasn't anything overtly "wrong" but things didn't feel exactly right either. I'd met him two times at a happy hour event but since he was working the event, we didn't spend more than 5 minutes together. To me, those weren't dates. Just opportunities to see each other.
*gas face*
While I appreciated the invitation, it was kind of a waste of time to sit and watch someone work. Fun, but not enough. Not what I would consider an actual date. We had more time together the first time we met, than we did on those two occasions he invited me out. Eventually, he got around to asking me out for a proper date. And that gave me a glimmer of hope because the date idea was a good one.
Okay... I sort of swooned actually. He had a great idea for the date. And no noticeable aversion to actually asking me out on a date. Its the little things at this point.
*smile*
It has been pretty rare that I have been asked out on a creative date. The regular ideas (dinner, drinks, movies, etc.) are good but predictable. An unusual date that gives the two of us a chance to talk, take in some sights and just get to know each other... those make my heart sing. But again, they are rare. So, an opportunity to play tourist in my city seemed like a fresh slice of sunshine. Unfortunately, it had to wait until I returned from my trip. There was too much to do to prepare so I just didn't want to stop the momentum. After the trip gave me something to look forward to.
And that's where it all fell apart. We ran into a little difficulty over social media.
**Imagine that?**
Anyone who knows me -- and if you're reading this blog, you've probably got a good idea of this too -- I love social media and use it vigorously.
It is serious over here about social media.
So, imagine my surprise when I'm skipping across twitter one day and I notice that there is a person on twitter just talking about him like a dog. I mean... like a dog. This chick was mad and she wanted the world to know. My first reaction was surprise and then I was disappointed. It was childish. Her rants were those of a scorned woman. I felt badly for her because it was obvious that she was hurt and felt deceived by this guy and I felt like she needed to have more maturity than to take her displeasure with him to the entire world.
Despite what people may think, social media has an impact on your life. For me, your social media reputation actually does matter. Think of it as a background check of sorts. Now, don't think that I automatically dismiss people based on what they tweet or put on facebook. And your "I wanna be a model" pics on instagram will not get you laughed out of contention. That's not it at all. But I do pay attention to what the people in your circle or people that you've dealt with have to say about you. It just gives me an insight into what I might be getting involved with.
So, when I stumbled across this angry person on twitter, I asked him about it. I did not go to her because she was a stranger and ultimately didn't matter at that point. I just wanted some clarity about what was going on. I wasn't mad but I was confused.
I wasn't accusatory. I wasn't mean. I wanted to know who she was and why she was so angry. What she accused him of was pretty serious to me and I wanted to know that I wasn't about to step into a bad scene with a criminal. He assured me that she was just bitter and angry and her complaint was a dispute over some money that was owed. I didn't completely buy it but I didn't press the issue.
But it was a red flag.
Actually it was two red flags. One, someone from your past (or your present) was telling the world that you were a criminal. That is a problem. The second red flag popped up when he copped an attitude about my inquiry. Hmm..? No bueno. Considering that just the day before we had a long conversation about trust and being honest -- a conversation that was initiated by him in fact -- I found it strange and unsettling that when given an opportunity to be completely honest and forthcoming, he was perturbed.
*gas face* Say what now? Why you mad at me because this chick is on twitter saying you stole her stuff? Am I not supposed to want to wonder what da heck that is about?
So.... second flag up!
Now... in the very beginning, I felt that he might have been a little shady. Not outright bad perhaps but just a little too slick for my comfort. I can be honest and say... I have trust issues. I believe people will lie more often than they will tell the truth, if the lie will make them look better and the truth might expose some vulnerabilities or failings. When it comes to men... well, my trust and faith has to be EARNED and over a period of time. Not like a day or a week... but months of consistency will show me whether or not I can trust you. And if that trust is broken... in most cases... that will be a wrap for us. Forever and ever. We can mend our friendship but it will never be like it was.
We're going back and forth about this girl... just conversation, not an argument and then he just shuts down. "I don't want to talk about her anymore"
*what?!* No sir. What you won't do is shut me down... oh no.
So, I replied sweetly... "okay, that's fine. I understand". But inside I was seething. In my head the conversation was...
"Is he freaking serious? Some babe is on twitter calling him a thief, making rude remarks and using his entire government name and he thinks I'm supposed to think... oh, yeah... that's nothing... just ignore all that?" Has he ever met me? Really?
But I didn't press the issue then. Remember... that's two red flags and one uneasy gut feeling. Not looking good for ya boy. I press on.
On the flight back from London, I was sitting next to two delightful little girls. They were pleasant and mannerable and did not cause me any problems. In fact, the flight was filled with kids. I was surprised. My parents never took me overseas as a child. (laughs) But then, different families have different lifestyles. Anyhoo... Nic loves kids. I do. However... kids are germy messes. Generally speaking. (and not YOUR kid... I know your kid is different)
*smile*
I got off the plane and headed home and then the next day I felt really run down. And the day after that I got a tickle in my throat and a sniffle. And by the end of the week, I was flat on my back.
(might not have been them, but I've decided to blame them like they were outbreak monkeys anyway)
Around the third day back I reached out to him to say hi, catch up after my trip and try to gauge whether or not our date was still on for the weekend.
Silence.
Hmm. Weird.
Before I left, I had sent a couple of emails to him and asked him to respond. One was important because it was about the blog, but he had not responded before I left. And he did not respond while I was gone. And then he still had not responded once I got back home.
Problem.
Sigh. Okay... so my trust issues get cranked all the way up when I feel ignored. Even if you only respond with "ok"... say something. Otherwise... it gets hectic over here. He did not respond. I got sicker. I finally cancelled the date and wasn't sure if he had gone through any expense in planning it, but I knew I couldn't go out of my house. I now was the outbreak monkey. *sad face*
Still silence.
Hm. Okay then. I go to social media to see whether I missed something. Like maybe he had to go out of town for a project or something happened. And lo and behold... Miss Missy is STILL going in on his ass about stealing her money. Well, its been like 3 weeks since I first noticed it and she's still going in. That was really strange to me. Who does that? Who has that much anger (and time) to keep going in and in and in on someone who is obviously ignoring you?
My thoughts: Damn she's crazy. Damn he must have put it on her. And damn... do I really want someone in my life who has attracted nutty people like this?
**blink**
That would be a no. In fact, a hearty ass hell to the no. I'm sick. I'm cranky as hell. I'm annoyed that I've been ignored for a week by someone who claimed they wanted to get to know me and then I see that he's been rather active on social media -- like always -- he just ain't checking for me.
Got it.
I sent a nice email saying that it was nice getting to know him but I was getting off the train at this point because nothing felt right. Want to guess how long it took him to respond to that message?
Who guessed FIVE MINUTES? You win a prize.
*sigh*
So, let's review. He's young (too young if you ask me). I am not a cougar. I have a strange feeling in my gut that he's less than honest. He has random chicks blasting him on twitter. He often ignores me for no apparent reason (and I'm not a bug-a-boo kind of girl, I will reach out once and then go about my way). And he presses me for honesty that he is unwilling to reciprocate.
Verdict? I'm done.
Now let me be clear... I know for real that no chick is going to stay that mad for that long with a dude that she wasn't smashing or loving or both. The fact that he didn't want to address it and tried to downplay it only made it clear to me that whatever they had, it was still in process or had not found a resolution. In other words, feelings were still involved. Always a bad scene for the new chick.
Let me be even more clear -- if any man stole from me what she claimed he stole from her, twitter wouldn't be his problem. Keeping that ass away from the police however would be. So... I knew what it was... I just didn't like the way he handled it. And I said that. Perhaps that wasn't something I should have done. But in hindsight... eh. He needed to know that it made him look as badly as she did to have someone flipping out and trashing his name. And it also was a bad reflection on him that when he had an opportunity to be honest and straightforward with me about it, he wasn't. And my personal assessment was that a man who could not handle the women in his life, needed to go back to the drawing board and figure out how to get folks to fall in line.
*shrug*
In the end, he called me childish. I found it funny. He felt that the fact that I unplugged from him in all of our social media connections was taking things too far. I disagreed and more importantly I don't care. How Nicole handles things with people she no longer feels have a place in her life is to delete them from her circle. Is it childish? It doesn't matter. But I don't think so. Why leave a door available unless you are willing to deal with it if they walk back through it? I have no apologies for that. But even more than that it isn't a punishment for them, it holds ME accountable. I let things go and move on and then forget why I stopped speaking to someone in the first place. If I no longer have your number, I can't call you one random day when I'm feeling bored and want to say hi. Feel me? If its petty... then I guess I'll be that. However, I can tell you this... I won't be seeing his random tweets in my timeline. How 'bout that?
So the date that was supposed to happen after my trip... didn't. And the little bug I picked up in London (or on the flight) turned into a major thing and I was sick for weeks. And now...? Well, its almost Christmas and I'm preparing for the new year by working hard and following my dreams.
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PS. Right now... as I am reviewing this incident I have to acknowledge a few things. I probably never should have agreed to go out with him. My head was in a very different space and I should have just left well enough alone. I think he's a talented young man. I think that he is really quite intriguing and I am confident that whatever he fully turns his attention to will flourish. He's that kind of young man. But I also am confident that no matter what happened... he wasn't going to be the guy that I really wanted in my life. For a lot of reasons but mostly... my heart is just in a different place. If it wasn't this social media thing, it would have been something else I'm sure. So, no harm no foul.
He goes his way. I will go mine.
