Thinking about tattoos and breast cancer
I am a Pinterest fan. If you haven't tried www.pinterest.com, please do. You can see my boards here: Pinterest.com/PinkRibbonGirl
Basically, Pinterest is a virtual board where you can "pin" pictures of things you like that you see across the internet. It is a lot of fun and a cool way to visualize and categorize things you like in one place. It is also a social media site because you have boards created by other people that you can follow and if they post something you like, you can repin it to one of your boards. It's awesome.
I have several boards on Pinterest and one is dedicated to images about being a breast cancer survivor. Another is of tattoos that I like. I have several scars that bear witness to my journey through breast cancer. I have a love-hate relationship with them. I am "slightly" vain (somewhere out there, roars of laughter are coming out). So, from that perspective, I sort of hate that they are there. Especially when I can clearly remember what my beautiful skin looked like before. But, I also love that they represent my struggle with cancer. The vanity is winning though and while I appreciate them, I want them to be prettier. And that's where the tattoo beauty is coming in.
I like body art even though I'm really rather conservative
To me, tattoos are beautiful and very personal works of art. I have two tattoos now and I'd like more. Because of the location of my scars -- across my lower belly, around my breasts and on my chest -- how I choose to accentuate (or cover) them will require a good eye and a great imagination. And also a fantastic tattoo artist. So... I'm on a mission to find the right art, the correct placement and the right artist to help me continue to recreate my vision of what a beautiful Nicole is now.
My beauty, much like my scars, will be my own. Very individualistic, very Nicole and hopefully very attractive to whoever gets to see them in the future.
I'm not sure when I'll get it done, but I'm hoping to have a decision made by my birthday. As I've been trekking across the internet, I've come across some breathtakingly beautiful tattoos in remembrance of those who died from breast cancer, tattoos that cover reconstructed breasts, or just the scarring around breasts. And all of them have touched my spirit in some way. The reclamation of my beauty, of my femininity and of my life (including the dating portion that goes up and down, left and right) has been an epic journey. I'm finding myself... slowly and painstakingly to be sure but I am creating the Nicole that I want to be and that I want the world to know.
Nicole, the blogging breast cancer survivor, is a conservative rebel. I want to be known for who I am (yes, I know she changes often but that's part of the package). I do not want to be put in a box, or to have someone, anyone, tell me who I have to be. I will be a moderately dressed, sexy lady in a beautiful dress and some killer heels... with skin covered in colored ink and breast cancer scars layered underneath. I am that. What you see is what you get and only the privileged will get to know the inner layer.
I like me. All of the contradicting beauty of myself. I am a rose with thorns, I suppose. If not for the thorns, my beauty might not be as appreciated. And I am slowly becoming okay with that too.
