I'm not exactly sure why this Pinktober has been so emotionally draining for me this year but it really has and therefore I am opting to end the "celebration" of things pink for October a day early and just call it November in my heart.
I'm done.
At the beginning of October, I changed my facebook profile picture to one of me during one of my chemotherapy visits hooked up to my line. I wanted to give people a quick glimpse into life behind the pink ribbons and such. Maybe that powerful image affected me more than I expected. I don't know. But what I do know is that this month has been an emotional roller coaster for me.
I've been all over the place and not in a good way. I didn't finish my manuscript when I had planned -- I found myself blocked and simply unable to write anymore. I haven't revamped my blog page -- again, I found myself stumped and incapable of making any decisions or writing any copy that made sense. I could go on listing all the ways that I've pretty much been mired into non-movement this month. My blog posts are way down, which means that my numbers are way down, which means that my money is way down as well. Sigh. I've been absent-minded and mentally preoccupied with all sorts of dark thoughts. I've been smiling on the outside but crying on the inside. My sleep pattern has been interrupted again, the insomnia is back. However, by the end of September I had gotten a hold of my insomnia issues and was sleeping through the night peacefully. Oh well. Now I have to start all over again trying to get things together.
My most recent traumatic experience with losing my purse finally convinced me that my mind is simply in turmoil. It might be because of something else but the most glaring thing that I can think of is... I'm sick of Pinktober. *shrug* So, I'm flipping the calendar ahead early. I need a fresh start and a wave of new energy to blow my way.
Come on November!! Bring all your blessings and cold air and renew my heart and my mind about this journey ahead of me. Maybe next year I will be in a stronger financial position and I can plan a happy getaway for the month of October.
