I hate this lymphedema CRAP!
I have several sleeves that I interchange depending on my mood and my outfits. The only time I don't wear the sleeve is if I'm feeling really particularly vain -- going to a party or something and I'm wearing a nice dress -- and when I'm bathing or something like that. I have sleeves that are close (or supposed to be) to my skin complexion. I have a sleeve that looks like a sleeve of tattoos. I have a sleeve that is bejeweled with a very pretty and feminine design. All of that. And basically, all of my efforts to look fashionable are well... limited because at the end of the day my entire arm (and sometimes my hand too) is covered in a huge bandage. It is depressing some days.
I got used to wearing the sleeve soon after I started wearing it. Its not painful, and neither is the swelling in my arm most of the time. However, I'd be stretching the truth if I said that it was sexy or appealing in any way. *shrug* A girl has to do what a girl has to do.
I do my stretches and arm exercises. I massage my arm a few times a week. Usually with my hand but sometimes I'll use my large electric massage unit. But, I don't know... I guess I thought that after awhile this would go away. I know they said I'd probably be dealing with this for the rest of my life but I really thought that it would stop. That it would get better. That my arm would go down and I wouldn't have to maintain this crazy lopsided look. But... here I am a year later and the full realization that this could be forever is hitting me like a ton of bricks.
I've been upset for the past two weeks because my hand has been swollen. For me, that's unusual unless I'm traveling. The worst part of my swelling is in my upper arm area. About a week or so ago, my hand joined in the chorus and actually had the nerve to ache and hurt. *BLOWN!* I thought that perhaps I slept on it wrong. Or that it was a temporary issue because of the weather but when wearing the gauntlet didn't help immediately (the gauntlet is the small glove-like sleeve for your hand)... I had a deep revelation and all I could do was sigh. Once again, this mess is serious. I hate that there isn't a cure or a fix for this. I've been researching alternative options because I just refuse to go through this forever.
That's why I'm excited for fall to arrive. I need sweaters and long sleeve shirts. I need coats and long gloves. I need to hide this thing. At least for a few months. Long enough so that I can regain a little bit of mental freedom from breast cancer.
I've been shopping a little bit. Trying to prepare for the coming chilly weather. I haven't purchased a lot but I am keeping my eyes open for cute and sassy outfits that will allow me to feel sexy and hide this stupid sleeve. 'Cuz I'm sick of it.
~Nic
PS. I think the problem is that I've been over-exerting my left arm; carrying packages that are too heavy, working it out too vigorously... etc. So, I've scaled back a bit and I've resumed keeping my arm raised above my heart several times a day and things are getting back to normal. Of course, that's the new normal... not the old normal -- you know, the normal where things on my body actually match.
