Blink. Blink.
A few months ago, a friend of mine found out that she was pregnant and she said to me... "I wasn't sure how to tell you, I didn't know how you would react..."
Blink. Um, ok?
Another friend is getting married and she said..."I wasn't sure how you would feel about this, so it took me some time to tell you..."
BLINK. DAMMIT. BLINK.
(deep sigh)
I've said it a million times, and I'll say it a million more... my friends and family truly love me. I suppose seeing all my inner thoughts and turmoil in this blog can be confusing and disturbing. I would probably feel the same way if I were reading about me (assuming that I wasn't me). (laughs)
But please... everyone... please hear me when I say this because I really mean it. No matter what... breast cancer, outrageous medical bills, shaky dating life, over-acting hormones, lymphedema, etc. and so on... no matter what is going on in MY life... I have nothing but joy and happiness in my heart for the people that I love.
It does me no good for anyone to be afraid to show me their joy, to show me that they are happy and enjoying life... it just doesn't work that way. At least not for me. Just like everything in your life isn't perfect, everything in mine isn't perfect either. But that doesn't mean that I'm not happy. That I don't wake up everyday with praises and joy for being alive. I am happy. Don't you know that your joy brings me joy? Reminds me how wonderful life is and how much I have to look forward to?
I am a breast cancer survivor and I'm happy about that. I have lymphedema, yes. And while it annoys me deeply, I'm still happy. I receive crazy medical bills every day and many days I just want to scream and cry and throw them out of an open window... but I'm still happy. As long as these things happen to me, I'm alive and able to experience them. I am happy. I really am happy.
I don't want anyone else to feel that they have to temper their joy about their lives because they are worried that I will be unable to handle it. I am not so selfish that I cannot be happy when my friends and my family are happy. There are no limitations on me because there are no limitations on God. Whatever I haven't experienced yet (marriage, kids, love, hitting the lottery for millions) doesn't mean that I won't ever experience it. It just means that its not my season for that right now.
Denying me the pleasure of your joy feels like pity. And I certainly have no use for any of that. So... from now on... BE HAPPY!
I certainly am.
