Oh! My skin, my skin... trying to restore its beautiful glow

Sigh.  Of all the reasons why I hate cancer... one reason (and yes, its vanity but so what?) that I am constantly annoyed is that chemotherapy totally changed my skin. My skin today, two years after chemotherapy, is dry, flaky, scarred, discolored, less elastic, has less sheen... and overall just isn't as fly as it used to be.

I suppose I was spoiled. I was blessed with good skin. Really good skin. If I hurt myself, the scar would not keloid and the mark would disappear in short order. I did not have extraordinarily dry nor oily skin... so I didn't have to pollute it with a lot of products trying to affect a certain look. It just was nice... as it was. A little baby oil every now and then and I GLOWED!

So, today... the fact that these doggone scars are still hanging around bugs me. My radiation scar simply seems to REFUSE to go away and give me my skin back. If you've seen me at any point this summer, you probably noticed all of my scars hanging out -- port scars (2), reconstruction scars and the hyperpigmentation scar from radiation therapy -- because I've been wearing strapless, sleeveless, halters and deep v's with no shame.

Hey, this is me right now. The hyperpigmentation scar is similar to the one in this picture. It is a block (literally a square) of skin that is darkened from the radiation burns that I received in treatment. When I keep in mind that its only been a little over a year since I finished radiation therapy, and that when it concluded the skin was BLACK and BURNT... the fact that its brown now -- even though its not the right shade of brown -- is progress.

But, this is about Nicole's vanity. And I want my skin back. I want it pretty again. At the minimum, I want to stop frightening people when they see me looking sexy with my shoulders out and then they notice the scars and just pause. Scars tend to make people uncomfortable. Here's an example. I bought this cute halter dress this summer. It is cut a little low so you not only see my port scar and my radiation scar... but you can actually see the zip-line that goes around my reconstructed breast as well. And that scar is really not pretty. When I put the dress on to go to a party, my mother asked me what I was going to do to cover up that scar. When I replied nothing... she went on to suggest a few things I could do to hide my reconstruction scar.

Shrug. Whatever.

I was nervous about wearing the dress but I really wanted to be cute for this party. I was concerned that someone would look at my scars and just think yuck. But I just don't have it in me to cover them up. Not on my time. Now, in an office environment, you're not going to see that much cleavage anyway so its a non-issue. But on my time? When my whole point is to be sexy and feel free? I ain't covering up nothing.

At any rate... I'm embarking on a mission to try to resurrect the glow that my skin once had. But it is a bit of a challenge because I am really conscious about what products I use on my skin now. Most mass-produced products that you buy off the shelf at your local store have chemicals and additives in them that I simply am uncomfortable putting on my skin now. Your skin is your largest organ... so although it works as a barrier, it isn't impermeable. What you put on your skin, ends up in your body.

To avoid all these "bad" things... I have started searching (mostly through word of mouth) for handmade, all natural products and product lines that work well and smell good. Tall order, seriously.

Becoming a product junkie

My friends have provided a lot of resources and suggestions for small businesses who create these types of products. And I've also been checking out Etsy for other products as well. The plus side is that there are a lot of people out there creating wonderful products that are free from parabens and hand made. The down side is that all of the options are turning me into a bit of a product junkie.

Every other week or so a bunch of small packages start showing up on my doorstep. The harvest from my labor of online shopping to find just the right combination of products to bring back my lovely glow. I am excited today because I have two new salt/sugar scrubs to try out. (They just arrived the other day) I'm looking forward to sloughing off the old, flaky, dry skin with my scrubs and then using my wonderful shea butter to help give my skin that wonderful caramel glow it used to have.

Right now, I don't have a specific regimen that I use on my skin. Besides using vitamin E oil on my radiation scar and the surgical scars that I have, I use a couple of products that have shea butter/shea oil as their base. I have some pure shea butter but I haven't really used it much lately. Well, I use it occasionally on my hair.

My collection of products that I can use is growing faster than I can use them all up. I realized that I was starting to have a problem when I went on vacation back in May and half of my suitcase was filled with all the different things I use on my skin and my hair. That is madness! But worthwhile madness because my mission is serious.

I expect that my scars will never completely go away. But that doesn't mean that I can't get back that sexy glow naturally. I want to shine like this...

Some of the online shops I use are:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/AuNaturalebymzsixx

http://www.lunableu.com/shop/

http://www.etsy.com/shop/HeartJCreations

http://www.etsy.com/shop/SimpleTraditions

With each shop, the owners are totally hands-on and responsive. If you have a question or concern, they always respond to your messages. Also, if you need something tweaked a little, they usually will do that too.

Gotta run... I have to make a choice between pomegranate sugar scrub or sweet rain shea butter sugar scrub. :)  And that's before I layer on all the other sweet smelling oils... (WINK!)