Being Superwoman is not admirable when your health is in jeopardy
*Update 10/15: Five years later... I still really hate the idea of being "Superwoman" but I can honestly say now... I was scared that I was going to lose my job because I had been sick for so long. I went to work after having surgery a few days before to show that I was a team player. In hindsight, I should have stayed home at least a week. Or the entire 2-3 weeks I was told that I needed to fully recuperate. I was lucky that I didn't have any complications because of this foolishness. I ended up losing the job anyway... so the sacrifice and risk was in vain. If your job needs you so badly that you have to sit there with stitches and bandages, that business isn't a good one. If you don't make your health a priority, no one around you will either. Take care of you. You're not Superwoman.*
*stomps feet* I am not superwoman!
I have a confession. I hate-loathe-detest the stereotype of black women (or any woman really) as a “superwoman”. It irks me to no living end. Seriously. It has to be the most ridiculous and rude vision of a person that you can have.
Superwoman has to be able to do it all, with a smile and wink… while keeping it sexy and funny. Providing giggles and jokes for her friends and her husband (because of course she HAS a man, right?).
Going above and beyond every day for the “man” – unless she’s uber-superwoman, then she runs her own multi-million dollar business. She handles kids with ease, she always looks flawless and well… there isn’t anything that she can’t save, fix or prepare.
She’s superwoman!
She’s superwoman!
Well, let me tell you. Her name ain’t Nicole. I am NOT superwoman. For anybody. Not even myself.
Grr. I don’t know why I was there. Well, actually I do know why I went – but I’m annoyed that I did that. Primarily because I felt useless. I felt relatively okay considering that I was in surgery for 3 hours three days ago, but I admit that I am really quite stiff and sore. I’m not trying to pop any stitches or anything like that. I’m just trying to do what I said I would do.
One of my colleagues gave me a stern talking to about pushing too fast, trying to do too much. It took a moment to sink in but I heard her. Now I’m realizing that I am doing just what I loathe watching other women do… putting everyone else before my own needs.
It is frustrating feeling like you have to keep up appearances for other people so that their worlds make sense. All I can say is that I’m trying. Some days I’m better than others.
Why do I feel convicted to be super human?
I had a conversation the other day with a friend and he mentioned something that sort of pricked me. I tried to shake it off, but it unnerved me for a few days. So, I did what I tend to do… I thought about it. And I thought about it for a long time. Then I tried to forget about it.
Friday, I had a breast reduction on my right breast (the one that wasn't cancerous) and some minor tweaking on my other breast. The procedure was out-patient (meaning I did not stay overnight at the hospital). Though my surgeon thought that I would be down for about 2-3 weeks, I felt so fine this weekend that I decided to come to work today.
Friday, I had a breast reduction on my right breast (the one that wasn't cancerous) and some minor tweaking on my other breast. The procedure was out-patient (meaning I did not stay overnight at the hospital). Though my surgeon thought that I would be down for about 2-3 weeks, I felt so fine this weekend that I decided to come to work today.
Yes. Close your mouth. Superwoman went to work today.
Yes, I went to work 3 days after having surgery on my breast.
Grr. I don’t know why I was there. Well, actually I do know why I went – but I’m annoyed that I did that. Primarily because I felt useless. I felt relatively okay considering that I was in surgery for 3 hours three days ago, but I admit that I am really quite stiff and sore. I’m not trying to pop any stitches or anything like that. I’m just trying to do what I said I would do.
Truth is... I'm scared. This has been too long now... my job is on the line.
I’ve gotten a little tired of people expecting me to do this or that and when I can’t, they are disappointed. Really tired of feeling like I've been letting people down.
So, I showed up. With my fake superwoman cape and a fake-r smile… I went to work.
So, I showed up. With my fake superwoman cape and a fake-r smile… I went to work.
As tired as others seem to be, of my breast cancer journey... I wonder if they ever stop to think how tired I am of dealing with all of this? It has been almost 2 years since I was diagnosed and I'm still having surgeries to get myself straight. If it isn't fun for you...trust me, it damn sure ain't fun for me.
*stink face*
Thank goodness for women-friends who speak truth into my life
One of my colleagues gave me a stern talking to about pushing too fast, trying to do too much. It took a moment to sink in but I heard her. Now I’m realizing that I am doing just what I loathe watching other women do… putting everyone else before my own needs.
Why do women do that!? Aren't we aware of our own worth and needs?
The comment that my friend made was really innocuous. He told me that I wasn’t smiling and joking as much as I used to. He had his theories about why I was different, and of course, they were totally different from what was really going on in my head. But I found myself annoyed that I didn’t have the room to have more than one mood. I know he had no clue that his little sentence sent me into my head so deeply… but it did. I tossed it around my brain for days and finally just put it aside last night.
The comment that my friend made was really innocuous. He told me that I wasn’t smiling and joking as much as I used to. He had his theories about why I was different, and of course, they were totally different from what was really going on in my head. But I found myself annoyed that I didn’t have the room to have more than one mood. I know he had no clue that his little sentence sent me into my head so deeply… but it did. I tossed it around my brain for days and finally just put it aside last night.
*...been fighting breast cancer for 2 years and you're surprised that I'm not smiling and joking as much. Hmm...? Seriously?
Telling me or expecting me to just get over it now is unrealistic. I had breast cancer, not a cold.
It is frustrating feeling like you have to keep up appearances for other people so that their worlds make sense. All I can say is that I’m trying. Some days I’m better than others.
Today, I felt okay and I went to work. Tomorrow, I plan to go too. I don’t imagine that I’ll be doing too much hanging out with my buddies over the weekend or anything. (probably lots of naps and resting instead) But I think that I can manage to sit upright for a few hours and smile and pretend that this 8 hours of my life is the most important thing that is going on in my head. Until I get a chance to lay down and think about all the other things that worry me about my life now.
If you bump into superwoman… do me a favor… shank her with some kryptonite. I need a new hero.
Okay.. I'm petty for this but, I actually want these "super" items below. Cute right? Ugh... Angry one minute, shopping the next! Click through and grab something... you know it's cute.
*shrug* I'm a girl... I don't have to always make sense. I'm cute and I smell nice.
If you bump into superwoman… do me a favor… shank her with some kryptonite. I need a new hero.
PS. Just call me SUPER PETTY!
Okay.. I'm petty for this but, I actually want these "super" items below. Cute right? Ugh... Angry one minute, shopping the next! Click through and grab something... you know it's cute.
*shrug* I'm a girl... I don't have to always make sense. I'm cute and I smell nice.
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