I had a busy week at work and like the energizer bunny, I kept going and going and going...with the plan to do nothing this weekend but rest and do laundry. Well, Saturday is gone and the laundry is still staring at me. I suppose I will get to it tomorrow. Honestly I have no choice. I knew I was running low on energy when I found myself completely disinterested in any Congressional Black Caucus events. Usually I can get excited by the end of the week to make it out to one or two events but not this year. Everyday I dragged myself home from work and went straight to bed. Each morning I woke up feeling like I had not slept much the night before. By Friday, I was really moving slow and could not wait to get home and get in the bed so I could just sleep.
I am in a weird place (again) mentally. Seems like I live in the "weird place" now. I set my mind on the idea that I needed to cram in as much fun as I could before my surgery. Recuperating for 2 months is not my idea of a good time. But like an over-eager dummy... I've gone way overboard in my planning. I have now been to Texas and New York in the month of September. The month of October is mapped out with trips to Atlanta and Vegas. Back to back weekends in Vegas at that. Judging from the way my body reacted to my flight to and from Houston...I'm worried about all this flying next month. But I intend to go on all of my scheduled trips. Just have to balance things out by acting right in the other aspects of my life.
I have to be really honest with myself. I'm eating everything WRONG, not resting enough, not exercising my arm, not massaging my arm... just not living right and paying the price I suppose. I haven't been doing my regular walking...just nothing. The trip to Houston was fun but the swelling that occurred afterwards was not cute. I really need to get my butt out every day and walk or run but the energy just isn't there. I want to wake up early enough for a 30 minute walk every morning but it never happens. My alarm starts going off at 5:20 am...and I drag out of bed usually just before 7:00 am. Its crazy. But I will work on doing better. I have to find a way to workout regularly. I am packing on some pounds these days. I wasn't aware that one of the side effects of my herceptin treatment was weight gain but it seems that it is.
From what I've read on the breast cancer message boards, gaining weight on herceptin isn't unusual. And all of the other side effects... runny nose, peeling/splitting nails, tingling feet & hands, swelling and so forth also aren't that unusual. So... its just a matter of learning to adjust to the changes and keep working on me.
My hormones are raging and most days I feel like a horny kid. It is madness and a little disconcerting since I'm not seeing anyone at the moment. I feel that my judgement is compromised so I have become even less approachable than I have been throughout this ordeal.
Its a sad shame. I will figure out how to handle this soon enough... I know that what I'm doing currently (hiding out at home, not accepting calls, not returning calls, not going out) is not the best course of action. Just have to do better...all the way around. Starting with getting enough rest every day.
